


With You I am Free

by Kurtswish



Category: Glee
Genre: Kurt_Big_Bang_2014, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-09
Updated: 2014-03-09
Packaged: 2018-01-15 03:44:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1290028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kurtswish/pseuds/Kurtswish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: Severe anxiety along with other stressors leads to Kurt being shut away in his house. The loneliness this brings leads to him reaching out via Rainbow Connections, a secure website designed to bring gay teens in contact with others like them without fear. This is how he meets Blaine, but it is a long road for Kurt to allow himself to trust Blaine with his secrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With You I am Free

**Author's Note:**

> Title: With You I am Free  
> Author: Kurtswish  
> Beta: TheCoolestGirlWrites with special help from TheBlasphemousContessa  
> Artist: Cover Art by: lallagogo
> 
> Scene art by: sweetbabyturkisus
> 
> Texts and other supplemental art by: heterobydefault/ ikot-ikot (lj/tumblr) />  
> Word Count: 32442  
> Rating: R mainly higher thanr content warned below. (I tend to rate higher than needed)  
> Summary: Severe anxiety along with other stressors leads to Kurt being shut away in his house. The loneliness this brings leads to him reaching out via Rainbow Connections, a secure website designed to bring gay teens in contact with others like them without fear. This is how he meets Blaine, but it is a long road for Kurt to allow himself to trust Blaine with his secrets.  
> Warnings: anxiety, panic attack, thoughts of self-harm, depression. I tried to handle the situation kindly but honestly. Supernatural elements as featured.

[link to art](http://kurtswish.tumblr.com/post/79904593975/with-you-i-am-free)

 

Kurt sat looking at his email, excitement and terror warring within him. The words splashed across his monitor sent panic and exhilaration coursing through him in equal measures. Months ago he had signed up for the site, loneliness and estrangement from his friends driving him in a fit of desperation for something. Summer hadn't been so bad, he was still adjusting to their new house and his handful of friends still had ample time in their busy schedule to come and visit him; but once school started again, slowly they all drifted back to their lives leaving him alone once more. School work only accounted for a fraction of his day, and Kurt found himself alone, with both Carole and his father at work and Finn at school until early evening. Meals were planned out a week in advance so his father could buy all the necessary ingredients so he couldn't even wile away the hours concocting new amazing dishes. The time spent alone pecked at him day after day. He longed to leave the house, but his terror of the outside world far outweighed his desire for entertainment. The internet became his only companion. He loved the anonymity of Tumblr and the few message boards he found, but more often than not he found himself searching random phrases. That was how he found the site.

 

He joined on a whim, not allowing himself to think on the action. He merely filled in all the required information which was quite a lot. Rainbow Connections prided itself on being a safe and secure place for gay teens from across the globe to interact without fear of trolls or bullies. They cross referenced email addresses and IP addresses against Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of media denying access to new or dummy accounts and any linked to homophobic statements or cyber bullying. The thought of being able to chat with other gay teens without fear was too perfect to pass up, so he filled in every blank before hitting submit. A couple of weeks later he received the confirmation email giving him full access to the site.

 

Kurt had set up his profile, giving the bare minimum of information. Username: Scarves and Coffee, Male, 17, Ohio, Likes: fashion, musicals. That done, he began searching through profiles, only to be intimidated by the sheer number. He quickly logged out and hadn't looked back since, even as the aching loneliness grew with each passing day.  
Until now.  
Now sitting in his inbox was a notification about a private message, and Kurt wasn't sure what to do. He could just delete it and pretend that he had never seen it in the first place; or he could just read the damn thing and see what it actually said. Feeling he had already been enough of a coward in his life, he finally clicked the link.

 

The page loaded onto his Rainbow Connection inbox and with one more click the message was there, unavoidable. He shakily entered his username and password. The page showed a red ‘1’ next to the mail icon. Kurt bit his lip still unsure if this was the right thing to do, before clicking anyway and waited for the page to load.

 

Hello Good Sir,  
Sorry about the salutation, I wasn't sure how to begin this since you didn't list your real name ( if Scarves and Coffee is your real name, then I am so sorry for the confusion and I commend your parents of their creativity).

 

Kurt couldn't hold back the laugh that bubbled up in his throat, a startling sound in the otherwise silent house. He looked around the room as if waiting for someone to jump out and scold him for daring to do it. He shook his head at himself before returning to the message.

 

I am also from Ohio! , which I guess you could probably see if you clicked on my profile. Anyway, I was searching for other teens in my area and I saw your profile. I noticed that you didn't have any friends on here yet and thought maybe you would want to be mine. I didn't want to just send a random friend request though, so I thought I could send you a message.

 

I guess I should tell you a bit about myself. My name is Blaine (no last name, this is the internet and it is all about safety) and I am 16. I love fashion to an extent. I love to read Vogue and really admire the work designers do, but I mainly stick to Brooks Brothers when it comes to my own clothes. I LOVE musicals too! In fact I love performing; it is what I really want to do someday. I also like football; the Buckeyes are of course MY team.

 

Anyway, I like people and making friends. I am also not here to find a hook up, which it seems like a lot of the guys I have found on here are. If you are, that is great; it is just not something I am into. I just want to be upfront with that. I just want someone I can chat with. If that sounds good to you, add me as a friend and we can chat, or message or whatever you want. If not then, no hard feelings.

 

Blaine

 

Kurt sat staring at the letters, the black such a stark contrast from the white background that it was impossible to ignore. Could he do this? Could he put himself out there like that now? He couldn't even dream about leaving the house, but could he at least do this? He thought back to the boy he was last summer, so determined for the world to accept him as he was, until the shackles of fear trapped him in this house 24/7. That Kurt would have jumped at the chance of meeting another gay teen, even if it was only over the internet. That Kurt wouldn't have been terrified of the prospect. Steeling himself with all the courage and the old bravado aplomb that used to get him through the day he navigated to Blaine's profile and hit the add to friends button before he could talk himself out of it. He then allowed himself to read over the profile Blaine had set up. All the information matched with what he had written in his message. Kurt switched back over to the essay he was supposed to write, knowing that Carole was expecting to grade it when she got home from work that night. He let the less than exciting subject of the industrial revolution distract him, not ready to face the fact that if he really wanted to do this he was going to have to write this boy Blaine back. It was almost time to head downstairs to start supper before he switched back to his internet browser. He watched the cursor blink a few times before taking a deep breath and began typing.

 

He would have liked to have infused his words with the false bravado he used to carry around like a shield, but he couldn't bring himself to present anything but his true self, at least within reason. If this Blaine wanted to be his friend, he would have to take him for what he was now.

 

Dear Blaine,

 

Thank you for your message. You were right, I don't have any friends on here, or many in general. However, those select few I do have I trust fiercely. Maybe you could join that elite group. As I am sure you already know, Scarves and Coffee is not my real name, it's Kurt. As you have already seen I'm sure, I am 17. I absolutely love fashion. One of my favorite parts of the week was planning my outfits. Remember every moment is an opportunity for fashion. I would love to be a fashion designer someday. I think it is something I could really excel at. I do have a knack after all for spotting trends in men's fashion. Broadway used to be my dream though, I always imagined myself on stage, the thrill of the applause nourishing my soul like nothing else. I don't see that happening though.

 

I am sorry to disappoint you, but I am not much of a football fan. I did use to play for my high schools team until they made us choose between football and glee. I was a pretty good kicker if I do say so myself, but since it was just a ruse to try and win some acceptance from my father (unneeded as it turns out) it wasn't that hard a choice for me to make.

 

I'm around a lot; I will try and make it a point to stay logged in, so maybe we could try out the chat function, that is if you want. Just let me know.

 

Kurt

 

As soon as the message sent he hurried downstairs to distract himself with preparing dinner. As they sat around the dining table eating, Kurt neglected to tell his father about the message. He hadn't told him about the site in the first place, and not wanting to worry his father, or excite him (Kurt wasn't sure what his reaction would be honestly) he decided to just wait and see what happened. Once they finished eating, Finn begrudgingly headed to the kitchen to deal with the dishes and Kurt gave Carole his completed assignments for the day for her to check. She promised to leave them on the table in the morning once she had a chance to check his work. He tried to sit with his family and engage them in conversation, but when his father flipped the TV over to Ice Road Truckers, he decided to call it a night.

 

It used to be so easy for him to hang out with his family, but the longer he spent cooped up in the house, while they went about their day as usual, the harder it was. Finn still resented Kurt for the move, even though it was their parents’ decision in the end. He hated living so far away from his friends and felt little consolation that the house lay just inside the McKinley High district. It didn't help that he couldn't invite just anyone to his house anymore, only the glee club members being allowed. Finn often voiced his annoyance at how much his life had had to change. Kurt just wished he understood how much more his own had changed. He wanted Finn to realized that he didn't ask for this either, that Kurt was as much a victim as Finn felt he was.

 

Safe in his room once more, Kurt pulled his laptop back in his lap. He was just reblogging a photo set from Fashion Week, when a strange pinging sounded. It took him a moment to realize it was coming from another tab; he switched back over to Rainbow Connection only to see a chat window blinking at the bottom of the page. He had totally forgotten he hadn't logged out of the site yet, and now it was too late to do so without looking like a complete coward or jerk. The message was safe enough just his name with a question mark, but Kurt’s heart beat so quickly it was almost as if he was back in the halls of McKinley being backed into another corner with raised fists. He closed his eyes and took a few cleansing breaths trying to dispel the panic while he could. He knew this feeling, as if the world was closing in on him and he couldn't take a breath what with the elephant sitting on his chest. If he didn't get a hold of himself he would soon be in a full blown panic attack. From far off he could hear another ding, but ignored it in order to focus of staving off the attack. No longer was he being attacked from without, the bullies were long gone, kept out by the acreage and stone fences walls surrounding their new house. The only foe now was in his own mind. Kurt willed himself to defeat it, to push through so that he could just do something. By sheer force of will, Kurt pushed his fears away and began to calm. As his heart beat slowed, he opened his eyes, the new message reading

 

Singing Through Life: If you don't want to talk that's fine, no pressure.

 

No pressure, Kurt thought, he could do this. He began typing.

 

Scarves and Coffee: No it's fine, I just stepped away from my computer for a minute.

 

Kurt felt bad starting off this friendship, or whatever it could be, with a lie. It felt like he was dooming this from the start, but he couldn’t trust not yet. He yearned so much for a connection, no matter how small, with another person. He needed to try.  
Singing Through Life: Great! I'm glad you made me a friend, especially after reading your message, we seem to have a lot in common.

 

So it began, Blaine's messages appearing in almost an instant while Kurt carefully chose each word in response. However, with each passing minute of corresponding with Blaine, his hesitation lessened. He soon found himself responding almost as rapidly as the other boy. They quickly covered fashion and their favorite pieces from fashion week. They talked about music and books. Blaine didn't even seem deterred when Kurt admitted that he hadn't seen any of the summer blockbusters. Instead of having to explain why, Blaine seamlessly began explaining which ones he had to see as soon as they were available and which it would be better to just miss altogether. The conversation flowed so effortlessly, that Kurt nearly believed that Mercedes was simply posing as this boy to make Kurt feel a little less lonely; but since no one, not even Mercedes knew about the site, he knew it was impossible.

 

The crickets were singing outside his window, the whole house already asleep by the time Blaine said he needed to sign off. They hadn't touched on any real personal topics, but he felt by the end that he knew just a little bit more about the boy on the other side of the screen. It was nice getting to know someone without the barrier of appearances in the way. Kurt looked out his window and thought out there he couldn't have that, not anymore. He couldn't meet a stranger on the street and have them not judge him by how he looked, not now, not since... He pushed the thought out of his mind and focused instead on the conversation he had had. He could already see Blaine becoming a real friend, even if they absolutely could never meet. He wouldn't allow his mind to go to them meeting, that was one way to surely lose Blaine's friendship forever. He thought of every word as he changed, moisturized and readied himself for bed. Once he crawled under the covers, fighting the blankets to cover himself fully, he grabbed his spare pillow and held it to his chest. He held it close as he tried to make himself comfortable, wishing for the millionth time since everything changed that he could just sleep flat on his back again. Curling in on himself, he tried to find comfort in the fact that he may have found a new friend, something he didn't think he would ever have again. He lost himself in the joy of that thought, pushing away all his doubts and drifted into another fitful night’s sleep.

 

For the next month things kept the same. While the days grew colder, Kurt found himself spending more and more time at his computer, though he spent less mindlessly searching for something to occupy his mind. As soon as 4 four o’clock hit, Blaine was found on the computer, talking excitedly about his glee club. Kurt yearned to share his own stories from the choir room, but had yet to divulge to Blaine about his school situation. Instead, he read with rapt attention as Blaine expounded on song selection and choreography. Kurt was filled with a longing for those seemingly carefree times when he felt like he actually belonged somewhere besides his empty house. He was surprised though when Blaine interrupted himself.

 

Singing Through Life: So you said before that you used to want to perform. What’s stopping you?

 

Kurt sat there staring at the blinking cursor, unsure if he was ready to give Blaine this part of his story, if he was ready to let them in. While his heart wanted to include Blaine in the small group of people that knew, his brain wouldn’t let him open himself to the kind of hurt that could bring. In a fit of cowardice he responded:

 

Scarves and Coffee: I have to go make dinner, I’ll talk to you later OK.

 

Without waiting for a reply, Kurt shut his laptop and let himself pace around the room. He knew this was just the beginning, he'd let himself relax with the thought that things could be alright, that he could make a casual friend. However, Kurt forgot that friends wanted to know more about you, they didn't just want to share about themselves they wanted to actually know you. He had lied to himself that he could enjoy conversations with Blaine without letting him in, and clearly that wasn't going to happen, not anymore. Kurt just had to decide if it was worth it to begin letting this other boy in, or cease all communication completely.

 

Instead of dwelling on the questions he knew needed to be answered, he busied himself with any distraction he could. It was late by the time he returned to his room, and while it appeared Blaine was signed off for the night a message was waiting for him.

 

Kurt,  
Hey I realize by your abrupt departure this afternoon, I might have hit a nerve and you may not want to talk. But I need to talk to someone. I really don’t know what to do and I could use an ear (eye?) and maybe some advice if you’ve got any.

 

I go to a private school, I don’t know if I told you that before. They have and amazing anti-bullying policy, which is one of the reasons I am here. Because of this we do have our fair share of gay students, which is nice, even if there isn't anyone I really would consider dating. There is this new boy though, Sebastian. He just transferred last month from Paris. Not only is he full of himself, but he has not been shy about his intentions with me. I have tried to let him down easily because I know all he really wants is sex and I can’t help it, I am a romantic at heart. He doesn’t seem to get it or is being intentionally obtuse.

 

After you left this afternoon, I decided to go downstairs for dinner even though it was a little early. He caught up with me in one of the deserted corridors on the way. It’s not really that he did anything, but i I have to admit I was scared. He kept pushing into my personal space and touching my face and arms. I mean just typing it, I know that it wasn’t anything bad not really. I just have never felt so violated before. Maybe I am just being over dramatic. I probably am. I just don’t know what to do with him. Do you have any advice?

 

If it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable, here is my number. If you could call me I really think I need to just talk this out. I thought writing would help but it really hasn’t. If you don’t want to no pressure, I just don’t know who else could give me a completely objective opinion. Write back at least.

 

Blaine

 

Kurt’s heart clenched in an uncomfortable way. First because of what Blaine had described in his message, but also at the prospect of actually talking to the other boy, at opening himself even more. Blaine could learn so much from him with his phone number if he chose to look. He pushed the thought aside, his friend needed him. With shaky fingers he dialed the number, not even caring that it was after midnight.

 

“Hello?” a groggy voice answered after the third ring.

 

Kurt swallowed, “Blaine? I’m sorry I shouldn’t have called you so late, I was worried.”

 

It took a moment for a reply to come, “Kurt? Is that really you?”

 

Kurt's breath caught at the timbre of Blaine's voice. He'd never let himself imagine what he sounded like, but hearing it for the first time made Kurt's heart speed. It was rich and smooth like fine dark chocolate. Instead of panicking now, Kurt was filled with an ease that was unfamiliar. He hadn't felt this comfortable in a long time.

 

"Yeah, it’s me." Kurt told him. "I was worried after your message. Are you okay? Do you still want to talk?"

 

"You don't think I was over reacting?" Blaine asked. Kurt could hear the relief tinged with embarrassment in his voice.

 

"You can't help the way you feel Blaine, if it made you uncomfortable and it bothered you so much, then no you weren't over reacting." Kurt told him, knowing from personal experience it was sometimes the more subtle threats that were harder to take.

 

Blaine sighed on the other end, pulling Kurt away from thoughts of his own past. "What should I do?"

 

Kurt thought for a moment, from the brief description in his note Blaine's school sounded infinitely better than McKinley. "Is there anyone you can talk to. ? A teacher or someone who might take this seriously?"

 

"I don't know, I mean it's not as if he was really bullying me. Am I making too big of a deal out of it?" Blaine asked taking a deep sigh.

 

Kurt couldn't stop the memories anymore. He could feel a hand clenching his wrist, acrid breath assaulting his nostrils as whispered words only meant for two slammed their meaning home through veiled words and soft tones. He pushed them away just enough to whisper. "Sometimes it isn't the obvious harassment that's the worst, it is the powerless feeling you get when you tell someone to stop and they ignore you." He took a deep breath willing his voice to be stronger before he continued. .”if you asked him to stop and he keeps doing this, it is harassment, plain and simple. If you don't want to go to someone yet, tell him that if it continues then you will have to. You shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable in your own school."

 

"Kurt?" Blaine said as almost a breathe. In that syllable things seemed to sift. No longer was Kurt offering comfort and advice to this boy he had grown to tentatively think of as a friend. Worry lay in that one word. "Is everything okay for you at school?"

 

"What?" Kurt asked heart speeding in a panic, he still hadn't told Blaine about his school situation and he wasn't ready yet. It would just lead to more questions that Kurt couldn't answer yet. He wanted to trust Blaine completely, but too much was at stake if he did. "What do you mean?"

 

"You just sound like you know how I feel, is someone harassing you?" Blaine replied sounding so earnest that Kurt hated himself for the half- truths he was about to give.

 

"I had some trouble last year, but things are different now." He said. Kurt held his breath waiting for Blaine to respond.

 

"You know if you ever want to..."

 

"I know, maybe one day but it's late." Kurt interrupted

 

Another laugh, freer this time. "You're probably right.  
"Are you feeling better?" Kurt ventured to ask.

 

He could almost hear a smile in Blaine's voice when he spoke. Kurt wanted nothing more to know what that smile looked like. "I think I do. I mean I'm not looking forward to confronting Sebastian; but I do think I feel better now. Thanks Kurt."

 

"Just, maybe, don't confront him alone," Kurt rushed to say, images of his own disastrous attempt at confronting a bully head on fully assaulting him. "Just promise me, that you have someone nearby if not there with you. You never know what some people are capable of ..." Kurt trailed off.

 

"Is that one of those things you will tell me about later?" Blaine asked, his voice serious once more.

 

Kurt nodded before answering in the affirmative before adding. "You should probably go to bed though since I am sure you have classes in the morning."

 

"We both do silly, but you're right... Hey Kurt, do you think I could call you sometimes?" Blaine asked his voice barely above a whisper.

 

"What?"

 

"It's just that... It's been really nice talking to you, you have a nice voice and I would hate for the only time I got to hear it to be when I was upset about a guy who couldn't take no for an answer. Maybe we can talk more, or text some..." Blaine trailed off.

 

Kurt let the sound of Blaine's voice wash over him, he held on to the sudden ease he felt at the sound of it; he kept those at the front of his main mind dad as he answered, "that would be nice."

 

"Great," Blaine said his voice clear in his enthusiasm at the idea. "Well, I'll talk to you soon then. Goodnight Kurt"

 

"Night Blaine." Kurt whispered before pulling the phone away from his ear and ending the call. He felt himself beginning to panic once the call was over, but pushed those thoughts away and held on to the small triumph of the night. He had called a faceless boy up on the phone and not only carried on a conversation with him, but also helped him with a problem. He would probably panic tomorrow while he waited trying to decide if he could call Blaine or wait for him to call first; but tonight he would relish the fact that he had talked to a boy, one not a part of his family, on the phone for the first time, and hadn't made a fool of himself.

 

He changed into a pair of pajama pants, foregoing his moisturizing routine, and slipped into bed. He pushed the normal thoughts of missing sleeping on his back, and of all the changes wrought upon him away and thought on Blaine's voice as he drifted off to sleep.

 

That late night call began a new norm for Kurt. It started with their afterschool chat sessions, turning into phone calls that slowly grew in length. Soon they were texting back and forth throughout the day. Blaine was usually slower in this responses to Kurt than Kurt was to him but he didn't mind. Kurt knew that while he could leisurely make his way from one assignment to the next, Blaine had to sit through classes surrounded by peers and was obligated to pay attention (or at least to appear to). Kurt grew more comfortable each day in their conversations. He began to add more stories of his own, only neglecting to tell Blaine when the stories took place. He never told him about never not leaving the house anymore; never told him his glee days were long over. Instead he let himself be caught up in the stories, in the fantasy of a life where he could still have those things. Blaine was none the wiser of this mild deception, until one day several weeks later.

 

Kurt was sitting at his desk, school work long finished for the week with the help of a sleepless night two nights previously. He was sketching another idea for an outfit, trying to get the fastenings just right reading yet another random Wikipedia article when his phone dinged with an incoming text.

 

Blaine: I really hate being sick. Nothing worse than lying in an empty dorm rooms, hopped up on cold medicine, with no one here to take care of you.

 

Without thinking Kurt called Blaine's number.

 

"You're sick?" Kurt asked before Blaine had a chance to properly answer the phone.

 

"Unfortunately. But what is your excuse Kurt for not being in class?”

 

Kurt's concern for Blaine was quickly taken over by a feeing a dread. He glanced at the clock, only 10 and even if it was later he knew his room was too quiet to pass as anything inside a high school. He knew that he had to come clean - at least partially. "Didn't I ever tell you? I'm homeschooled."

 

Blaine coughed before answering. "No, I'm sure I would have remembered that, Kurt." He didn't sound upset, in fact he sounded mildly amused. "But you know Kurt," his voice becoming serious. "You know you can tell me anything right? It's just that you keep telling me these stories about your glee club and your friends, and now you tell me that you don't go to school. I have been nothing but open and honest with you and I would hope you would do the same."

 

Kurt felt awful. Blaine had been open with him, not holding back details as they talked or wrote to each other. Yes, Kurt had been scared of letting someone in. But this was Blaine, a boy who while he didn't know him, was quickly coming to mean so much to him. Kurt wanted to trust him;, he needed to be able to find the strength to trust him. Something always held him back though. Kurt was tired of always being afraid. He was tired of the trapped feeling that permeates permeated everything he did. He swallowed and listened to Blaine breathing, a cough interrupting the steady rhythm. Moments passed and still Blaine waited patiently.

 

Kurt counted slowly to one hundred, calming the panicky feeling before speaking. "I know Blaine and I'm truly sorry. I um... It's not that I don't trust you... Well not you specifically, I just don't trust... uUm anything?" Kurt heard Blaine start to speak but spoke over him. "I haven't been to my high school in almost two years. I have been homeschooled since the beginning of this year. I promise I will try and explain one day, but I just can't today. I haven't really had to tell anyone, and it's hard to even..." The panic was building again as his words rushed out of him. He wanted to explain but there was no way he could, not without risking everything, every ounce of safety he felt rested in this secret. His breathe picked up and he could feel the prickle at his eyes. He didn’t want to lose control, but he could feel the small thread that seemed to stitch him together popping. His heart thudded in his chest, beginning to fill his ears.

 

"Hey, Kurt. It's okay, I promise it's okay." Blaine’s worse voice cut through the haze his mind was caught in. Kurt focused on the comforting words coming through the phone. He let them penetrate the swirl of anxiety surrounding him until his breathing evened and his heart beat slowed. Finally he listened to what Blaine was actually saying. "It’s okay, I'm not really upset with you. Just breathe, Kurt please."

 

He finally felt the vice grip in his heart lessen. Blaine wasn't mad, everything could be fine. When he finally felt under control, except for the embarrassment he always felt in the aftermath of a panic attack, he spoke again. "Thank you Blaine for understanding. I promise I will tell you one day, I... I just can't promise it will be soon. Alright?"

 

Over the line, Kurt could hear Blaine let out a breath, he sounded relieved when he said, "alright."

 

Silence hung over the line, Kurt unsure what to say following that moment. When Blaine still didn’t pick up the conversation, Kurt decided that it was up to him to do it. After another moment he asked, “So, you’re home sick, what’s wrong?”

 

Blaine gave a breathy laugh that turned into a cough. “Not home sick, more like stuck in the dorms sick. It’s not too bad, just a sinus infection, but I’m running a fever, the nurse sent me to my room.”

 

“They don’t send you home for that?” Kurt couldn’t help asking.

 

“No, she sent for the doctor, and I have meds and everything; but they don’t send us home unless the doctor tells them to or the fever lasts more than three days. It’s just easier that way. I mean my parents only live a couple of hours away but a lot of these guys are from out of state or their families are abroad.” Blaine sighed once more, “It isn’t too bad, but it sucks when you feel like crap and no one is there to take care of you. Do I lose coolness points if I admit I miss my mom?”

 

Though Blaine laughed Kurt couldn’t muster one in return. He knew well enough what it felt like to miss your mom. “Not at all,” he told Blaine, “I understand.” He hesitated for a moment, and Blaine seemed to know that Kurt was on the precipice of sharing something more with him and kept quiet. “My mom, she died when I was 8, and… I mean I missed her every day, still do… but I think it is always hardest when I was am sick. I remember, when I was sick, she used to lay my head in her lap and scratch my back. Her only real indulgence she had was, she used to go once a month and get her nails done… and she… I don’t know, I just loved the way they felt when she would scratch up and down my spine. Even when I felt the worst, having her do that would relax me and lull me to sleep better than anything. I remember the first time I got sick after she died, my dad… he tried, she had told him enough times how I would beg for her to scratch my back. so he ...and it just wasn’t the same. I remember he held me as I cried. There are still times I would give anything for her to be here and scratch my back just one more time.”

 

“Geez Kurt, now I feel bad…” Blaine started.

 

Kurt’s heart clenched at the thought that he cause Blaine any undue stress. “Don’t feel bad. I didn’t tell you to win pity points. I told you because…I know how it feels.”

 

“Thank you for trusting me enough to share,” he whispered down the phone line.

 

“So Blaine, what does your mom do when you are sick to make you feel better?” Kurt asked, an odd feeling stealing over him. He blinked in amazement when he realized it was confidence.

 

Blaine’s voice was quiet when he answered, “ She would tuck me into my bed and sit beside me and… well, she would sing this one song. It’s silly… I always loved horses and from the time I could talk I would beg her to sing this one song. It was my favorite;, it kind of became our song you know?”

 

“I think I do,” Kurt whispered before letting that spark of confidence take over, “Alright, are you in bed?”

 

“Yeah.” Blaine said confusion coloring his voice.

 

“Are you all tucked in snug, like she used to?” He continued.

 

“Uh huh”

 

“Perfect.” Then Kurt went with his gut feeling and sang, “Hush a bye don’t you cry, go to sleep little baby…” He let his high, clear voice carry through his room and over the connection to Blaine. He could hear Blaine’s breath hitch before settling into a steady rhythm.

 

When Kurt had finished the first refrain Blaine spoke up. “How did you know?”

 

“It was one of my favorites growing up too, and you said you loved horses so I thought maybe… is it helping?” Kurt said, feeling doubt creep in once more.  
“A lot actually,” Blaine said before the feeling could fully take hold again. “Will you… will you keep singing?”

 

Hearing Blaine sound so small and vulnerable made something like protectiveness clench in his chest. “Of course,” he told him before beginning again.

 

After a few more rounds of the song he heard Blaine’s sleepy voice whisper, “You sound just like an angel Kurt.” Ice filled Kurt’s veins and his voice caught in his throat. He had just enough forethought to whisper, “Go to sleep Blaine,” before hanging up the phone. He tried to assure himself that Blaine couldn’t know, he couldn’t possibly know what those words meant to Kurt. He was trying to be sweet, or was delirious and didn’t know what he was saying. No matter how much he told himself that, he couldn’t keep the fear away. He raced into his en suite bathroom just in time to rid his body of the little breakfast he had eaten that morning. His eyes watered as his stomach clenched again and again producing nothing. When it was all over he leaned over the sink to rinse his mouth out, only to catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His face was ashen and his eyes bloodshot, but neither of these features held his attention for long. His eyes were drawn behind him where opalescent feathers arched up behind him peaking high over his head. He wanted to rip them out, be rid of them once and for all but knew from past experience it would do no good; he would pass out from the pain long before he made a dent in the wings. Instead he collapsed on the floor and drew himself into a ball, and cried as he remembered just why he could never let Blaine in fully.

 

Hours passed on that cold hard floor. Lunch was forgotten and dinner preparation as well as he sat body curled around his knees while his large, white wings unbidden enveloped his body. As much as Kurt loathed them, the feel of them wrapped around, shielding him from the world made him feel safe. He hated it. He didn’t want this;, he just wanted to be normal. He laughed at himself at the thought; he had never been what anyone would consider normal in his life.

 

By the time he emerged from upstairs, both his father and Carole were home from work. Carole was cooking dinner, but made no comment to Kurt about his slacking in his duty. It wasn’t the first time they had come home from work to find the house quiet and the kitchen cold. They had learned long ago, that at times like those Kurt just needed to be left alone, to work through whatever had upset him without being made to feel exposed in his vulnerability. As he passed Kurt going into the living room, Burt squeezed Kurt’s bare shoulder tightly in comfort. Kurt’s heart squeezed at the action. He wanted to yell at his father that he missed his touch, he yearned for a body aching hug; but as the wings had grown touches from his family had shrunk, leaving Kurt feeling more alone than he could express.

 

It wasn’t until after a quiet dinner with the four of them pushing food around on their plates that Burt finally broached the subject at all. “What’s got you down, bud?” He asked when Kurt entered the living room, intent on heading back upstairs once more.

 

Kurt hated that question. His dad didn’t seem to realize that nothing had to happen for Kurt to feel like the world was a bleak, unfriendly place. More often in the last year, Kurt felt like he was trying desperately to dig himself out of a hole just for a glimpse of light and warmth. He longed for the days when he could freely laugh and enjoy life; even when things we not perfect, feeling like he was in control and things could get better. He hated that his father didn’t understand. “Nothing’s got me down,” he lied, admitting there was a cause this time would do nothing to make his father understand that it wasn’t always this way.

 

“Come on, Kurt, the last few weeks you seemed to be happier. You have been smiling more, and I even caught you singing the other day. I didn’t say anything, I guess because I didn’t want to jinx it. But then today I come home and all that seems to have vanished. So what happened?” Burt Hummel was leveling him with that piercing stare that used to always make Kurt ready to spout out the truth or run for cover. He would not back down this time.

 

“Nothing happened. I guess for a few days I forgot what my life is… and now I remember.” Kurt spat the words out, the taste of them reminding him of the bile that burned up his throat just hours before. He wanted nothing more than to retreat to his room and curl up on his bed. Maybe in sleep he could disappear from this world for a few hours.

 

His dad wouldn’t let him though, “And what is your life Kurt?” he asked his voice so damned soft and gentle, Kurt wanted to hurtle things across the room. He missed the gruff talks they used to have before he truly became a freak. There was a glimpse of that earlier but all that vanished in an instant.

 

Tears prickled at Kurt’s eyes, and he tried to stomp them down. They would not be held back though and as he spoke a few fell tracing his features like a lover’s caress. “Everything I dreamed of, everything I planned for, will never happen, not for me. I used to want to get away from Lima, I wanted to go to New York, study theatre or Fashion…” his voiced hitched when he admitted, “fall in love. But none of that will ever happen. I am going to die… alone… in this house, all because I am a freak of nature.”

 

“Now Kurt,” Burt tried only to be cut off before he could speak further.

 

“You know it’s true!” Kurt couldn’t deal with it anymore and fled to his room. His door slammed shut behind him before his dad could even think of moving an inch to comfort his son. As soon as the door banged shut behind him, Kurt couldn’t fight the anger welling up inside of him. It was all so unfair. Why shouldn’t he be able to live his dream? Why couldn’t he just be happy? Was it all too much to ask; a little bit of happiness? He wanted to lash out at whatever led him to this cruel fate. He could deal with everything else, his slightly more feminine looks, his high voice, being gay; he had embraced those things long ago; but why had nature, or god, or whatever twisted entity decided to make him a creature out of some long ago laughed at myth. Why was he the one to have papers written about him, not because of his talents, or his achievements, but because of growths that some deemed pretty, or majestic, or the dawn of a new subspecies of human beings, but most would call abominations?

 

With nothing concrete to focus his anger on, Kurt turned to his closet. Inside hung a daily reminder of one of the things he had lost. He flung shirts out of his closet by the handful, not caring the state they ended up in; he would never be able to wear them again anyhow. Plastic hangers snapped in his fury, fabric ripped and buttons popped flinging themselves across the room and all the while an unearthly scream rent the air muffling hurried footsteps on the stairs, raised voices in a panic and a shoulder banging against a door willing the lock to give out. The long rod devoid of shirts and jackets, only stray hooks and hangers adorning it, Kurt released his ire on the wall behind until strong hands clutched at his wrist. On instinct the powerful wings opened releasing him from the unseen danger trying to still his arms from behind. It wasn’t until the other rod crashed to the ground behind him bracketed by hurt moans, that Kurt realized what he had done. He turned around to see Finn sprawled on top of his shoes, pants draped over him and a bruise already forming on his forehead from the rod, staring at him in disbelief. Any lingering fight left him. “I’m… I’m sorry.” he said his voice hitching.

 

“Dude, what the hell?” Finn groaned.

 

Kurt looked behind him to see their parents standing in the doorway with twin looks of shock on their faces. “I just…” He didn’t know what to say, he looked between the three of them, wanting someone to understand. “I don’t want to be alone anymore,” he whispered.

 

His dad eased forward as if he was a wounded animal, Kurt bitterly thought that might be an apt description. “You’re not alone Kurt, not if you don’t let yourself be.”

 

“But no one understands…” he said, because they didn’t, they couldn’t, not really.

 

Burt cupped his face with rough work worn hands, “Then you have to make us understand. We want to understand and make this better for you. I just want you to be happy again.”

 

Kurt nodded, but didn’t offer anything to try and explain how he felt trapped by his body, but also trapped by his fears. He just didn’t have the strength to try, not tonight.

 

“Why don’t I help you clean this up?” Carole offered, a gentle hand on his arm as his dad helped Finn up off the floor.

 

“No, I’ll take care of it tomorrow,” he told her. Seeing her crestfallen face he went on to explain, “I think I just want to go to bed now… I just… I’m tired.”

 

He apologized again as they left his room, the door popping open once he tried to shut it with the now broken latch. Alone, he changed into a pair of pajama pants and crawled into bed. His phone lay discarded by his pillow, several missed calls and a text waiting for him. He wasn’t surprised to see they were all from Blaine. He thumbed through to the text and read, Thanks for making me feel better Kurt. Not just the song, although that was great, but for trusting me with the memory of your mom. I hope everything is okay. Talk to you later?

 

Kurt stared at his phone for a moment fear and hope warring inside of him. Maybe he didn’t have to be alone;, maybe he could let Blaine in a little, his family too. If that was ever going to happen he would have to just start small, trust a little, confide. He made himself as comfortable as he could before typing out a reply. Sorry I missed your calls. I had an awful afternoon and could have used some cheering up.

 

Only seconds passed before his phone beeps again, Do you want to talk about it? I can call if you still want some cheer. :)

 

A small laugh escaped unbidden, Not tonight, I feel like I am about to pass out maybe tomorrow? How are you feeling now?

 

Better. Fever broke, but I still can’t go to class tomorrow. So I am all yours if you want to talk.

 

Then I’ll call you. Around 10?

 

It’s a date.

 

Kurt’s heart hammered in his chest at the words on his screen. He willed his mind not to run away with him. Blaine was just a good friend, nothing more. After bidding each other goodnight, Kurt let his exhaustion take over him and drift away from this confusing world he found himself in.

 

Kurt began talking more. That next day, he told Blaine that he had fought with his dad, a partial truth, but it was as close as he could get without touching closer to Kurt’s big secret. It didn’t really matter that they didn’t talk about what really made Kurt’s day so awful, because Kurt talked. He shared stories of his now mundane life. He skirted around his anxiety but didn’t hide it. For the first time in what felt like forever, Kurt felt free. He could feel a change coming over him, and it took him a while to see he was happy. It wasn’t the all- encompassing joy he dreamed of, but rather a contentment that he didn’t think he would ever feel again. It reminded him of the days before in the choir room; even with the unrelenting harassment in the halls, Kurt had felt like he belonged in that room. Kurt felt like he belonged connected to Blaine if only through the phone or computer.

 

New habits formed, instead of talking until the moment he absolutely had to go downstairs to prepare supper he continued to chat as he cooked. Kurt caught himself dancing around the kitchen, gesticulating with a spoon or knife or whatever he had in his free hand more than once. He only laughed at himself before delving back into the conversation. Even with this freer feeling, he always made sure he let Blaine go to dinner before his own family began arriving. The Hudson-Hummel household was one of predictability and order. He knew what time Finn would amble in from practice. Carole always arrived at the same time as well. For his father, he never allowed his employees to close up shop, feeling it was his duty as boss and owner to open and close each day. Kurt knew just when to expect everyone, he depended on it.

 

Kurt was once in the kitchen, his phone lying on the counter to the side, as he chopped vegetables, dancing all the while to the music Blaine was playing for him drifting out through his speakers. He was focused on the song and Blaine’s quiet laughter so he didn’t hear the car crunching up the driveway outside. The song ended, he was enthusing with Blaine over the virtues of the song. He was too focused to hear the keys in the door or the quiet swear over Blaine’s voice.

 

“Isn’t Roxy music the best?. If I could I would build a time machine and go back to the ‘70’s and high five Bryan Ferry.”

 

“What’s going on Kurt?” the voice startled him out of a reply. Kurt spun around to see his dad staring at him as if he was something he had never seen before. Over the line Blaine was oblivious to Kurt’s shock and terror.

 

“Is that your dad Kurt? Hey Mr…. um hello sir.”

 

Burt Hummel furrowed his brow in confusion.

 

Kurt unstuck himself just enough to grab his phone, and say, “I have to go Blaine, I’ll talk to you later.”

 

He vaguely heard Blaine start to reply before he hit end and met his father’s eyes once more.

 

“What’s going on Kurt?” he asked once again.

 

Kurt could feel that vice grip once more around his heart. He tried to tell himself that it was just his father, his dad who loved him more than anything, that it would be okay; but it didn’t help. He could feel his breath leaving him in puffs but not able to pull enough back in. He tried to open his mouth to speak, but the words choked him. Tears pricked in his eyes and he could feel his skin crawl and tingle as if thousands of bugs were crawling over his flesh.

 

Burt’s confused face morphed into one of concern and he rushed to Kurt’s side. “Breathe buddy, it’s okay. It’s just me. I need you to breathe.” Burt said as he grabbed Kurt by the shoulders acting as the anchor his son needed. Kurt tried to hold his dad’s gaze as he tried to match him breath for breath. It wasn’t working;, he could still feel the panic attack tearing all sanity away. He wanted to rip at his skin, he wanted to pull his hair, just to make it all stop. He wanted control back and the more he fought the more it was taken away.

 

“Kurt!” Burt finally yelled, and Kurt’s eyes snapped up meeting his again. “Breathe, I’ve got you, you are safe.” In that moment, without Kurt having to utter a word, Burt Hummel’s arms wrapped around his son’s shoulders. It was more tentative than ever before and not the instinctual way he once had, but it was a hug. His arms barely skimmed the wings, and the hold was limited to the small space above where they protruded out of Kurt’s bare back; but he was being held. And like the wind was being knocked out of him, Kurt let out a painful sob of relief at the touch. He clutched back at his father, holding desperately to him, in equal parts relief and terror. He knew he would have to talk to his dad, he knew he would have to tell the truth; but for the first time since the wings had begun to spring from his back he was being held and comforted by the one constant in Kurt’s life.

 

Burt only gave him until his breathing evened to a manageable pitch before pulling back enough to see Kurt’s face, though he did not release him from his hold. “I need you to talk to me Kurt. I can’t help you if you don’t let me.”

 

Kurt nodded as he tried to form words in the hurricane that was his mind. “I know, dad, and I’ll try… it’s just that…”

 

“What Kurt?” Burt urged.

 

“I just need you to hold me.” Kurt blurted.

 

His dad’s grip on him doubled and Kurt’s bones ached with the joy of it. “Oh Kurt,” Mr. Hummel sighed, “I haven’t done this lately have I, hug you?”

 

Kurt could only shake his head. “How long? Has it been that long?”

 

Kurt’s voice hitched as he said, “Since the day we knew what they were.”

 

“I haven’t made this any easier have I?” He asked.

 

“I just… I needed my dad, and you were there, you were always there… but I felt like I was dirty or unworthy or something, because you would never touch me. I… it was… why wouldn't you touch me?”

 

Kurt could feel a new wetness in his hair where his dad’s cheek pressed against it. His own tears, slid down his face faster knowing he had made his own father cry. “When they ran those tests, you said that it hurt. You yelled at them not to touch them… I didn’t want to hurt you, I didn’t want to touch you if it would cause you pain.”

 

“I was scared, I didn’t know what they were going to do I just wanted them to stop. I didn’t know what else to do. It doesn’t hurt to touch them. I hate them, but you don’t have to be afraid of them.”

 

They stood in the middle of the kitchen, just holding each other after that. Kurt wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but his breathing had eased and his tears had dried up when his father suggested he call Carol to pick something up for supper. “We need to talk Kurt,” he said when he made to protest. “This food will keep ‘til tomorrow, but you and I we need to really talk.”

 

Kurt went and washed his face while Burt called his wife and put up the half chopped veggies. Kurt took as much time as he dared, not really ready to answer the questions he knew his dad had. When he knew he could stall no longer, he braced himself and made his way to the living room.

 

Burt sat uneasily on the couch, his elbows were propped on his knees and his head was in his hands. Kurt sat gingerly down beside on the ottoman in front of him, bracing himself for the look his father would give him. He expected hurt, or anger or even disappointment, but his father’s eyes looked tired but supportive.

 

“Are you going to tell me what’s been going on? I’ve seen the changes in you, seen the way you have been more… more you, the old you. I know that you still have a lot on your plate. But… I just need you to explain to me.”

 

Kurt knew his father meant well, he knew he couldn’t understand that it wasn’t that things were better; they may never be better. He was managing. He knew though that his father could never understand if he didn’t tell him. “I was lonely.” he said, not knowing where else to start. His dad just nodded, clearly this not coming as a surprise. “Everyone… everyone was so busy, they had their own lives and things to do, and…” He paused, took a deep breath before continuing. “I just wanted someone to talk to, someone who didn’t know I guess. Someone who didn’t think I was a freak.”

 

“Hey, you aren’t a freak.” Burt cut him off. “Has anyone said anything, Puck, Finn?”

 

“No dad, no one had to say anything to me. I know I’m a freak just look at me.” he said exasperated, spreading his arms wide as if his father couldn’t see the huge wings mirroring the action behind him. “I have freaking wings and no one can tell me exactly why; that is not normal!”

 

Burt shook his head as if Kurt were a particularly slow child. “Wasn’t it you who used to tell me that being different was what made you special, yay, you got freakin wings, but that don’t change who you are.”

 

Kurt could feel the tears welling, “But don’t you see dad, everything else I could hide I could choose to show people or not. I can’t just throw on a coat and cover these up, no matter how much I may want to.”

 

He nodded slowly, “Okay I can see that. But just for the record I don’t think you have anything you need to hide Kurt.”

 

Kurt decided to just let that point rest for a moment. “Anyway, I was lonely, none of my friends were around, and you and Carole were working, and Finn… and I understood I did, I do. I just wanted someone to talk to, so I signed up for a website.”

 

“Kurt…” Burt said in warning.

 

“I was safe,” Kurt assured, “as safe as you can get anyway. They check to make sure you are who you say you are. It’s was for gay teens, and they make sure that it is a safe place. I didn’t go there to hook up, obviously, I was just curious.”

 

“Is that where you met that Blake guy?”  
Kurt was amazed that he got the name that close. “Blaine, and yeah. I didn’t… once I got accepted to the site, I chickened out, but later Blaine messaged me. He… we’re friends.”

 

“But how did that happen? I mean you hardly talk to me or your friends, so how did you two get on good enough terms that I find you laughing on the phone with him in the kitchen.” Before Kurt could speak, Burt quickly went to add, “Not that I mind, to be honest I don’t think I have been so happy as to see you laugh again Kurt. I just want to understand.”

 

Like a damn, Kurt told him everything, the progression from messages, to tentative calls and texts to long wonderful conversations. Kurt could feel himself smiling and didn’t shy away from them. When he didn’t think he could talk more he launched into all the feelings he’d been having since everything had begun. For the first time he really told his dad about the panic attack, the depression, his fear of ever leaving the house again, complicated by the fear of never leaving it. He didn’t notice Carole come home, or Finn; didn’t pay them any heed as they glanced in only to retreat seeing the scene before them. He let it all out barely stopping for a breath, not taking his eyes off his dad, but not letting the emotions on his face stop him from speaking. His words spent, he fell into the same position he had found his father in earlier.

 

A warm hand on his bare shoulder, made him lift his head once more. “Kurt I think you need to talk to someone, not just me, or this Blaine guy. I think what you are going through, what you are telling me, it’s more than either of us know how to handle.”

 

“I can’t go to a shrink,” Kurt said. His father must be crazy, to think that he could leave the house once a week to meet with some doctor to talk out his feelings. The thought of seeing someone knew, that was terrifying.

 

“We need to do something though, I can’t lose you Kurt, and I’m afraid if we don’t do something… I don’t want to regret not doing something before it’s too late.”

 

They let those words hang in the air between them, neither wanting to think further on what Burt meant, but not able to ignore the cold hard truth of it.

 

Later that night, Kurt sat on his bed, waiting for Blaine to pick up his phone. After only half a ring, Blaine’s voice filled his ear. “Is everything okay?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“You just, you hung up so quickly and I haven’t heard from you in hours… did I do something wrong?” Blaine asked his voice small.

 

Kurt was quick to reassure him, “No, you were wonderful. I just… I hadn’t told my dad about you, and… we got to talking… really talking, for the first time in forever. It was something we needed to do”

 

Blaine sighed in relief, “As long as everything is good.”

 

Kurt smiled at that, “I think things are going to be okay.”

 

The next morning when Kurt came down the stairs, he was surprised to find his father waiting for him at the table.

 

"Dad, what are you doing still home?" He asked as he made his way to the coffee pot, wanting to rid himself of the last vestiges of morning drowsiness.

 

For his part, Burt folded the paper he had been pretending to read while he waited for his son to wake. "I've been thinking, about what you told me last night," Kurt froze at the counter, afraid he would tell him to break off communication with Blaine. Now that he was determined to open up more with Blaine, to work toward maybe, eventually sharing the things he had been holding back, he didn't want to cut him out of his life anymore. Kurt turned slowly to his dad, the silence weighing around them, to see determination and concern clearly etched on his prematurely aged face. "I think you need more help than I can give you. I called Dr. Fitzhammond's office this morning. I told him how you have been feeling, and he agrees that medication can probably help, but he wants to hear from you first."

 

"Dad..." Kurt began. Drugs scared him, he had heard too many stories about people losing themselves, losing all range of emotions trying to end the cycle of depression. He didn't want that, even as many times as he wished for everything to end, he still wanted to feel.

 

"I know you Kurt, I know you're worried, and I was too at first; but Dr. Fitzhammond says that there are options out there to help you with the anxiety and they can start you on the lowest dose and see how you do. He says that drugs have come a long way in the last few years. I think we ought to try." Burt had such a hopeful expression on his face that Kurt couldn't do anything but agree.

 

He was dubious at first when Carole brought home the small white bag, but dutifully took his doses each morning. The change was small, nothing Kurt immediately noticed. His days still followed the same pattern, school work, talking to Blaine, chores, still never leaving the safety of his house. It wasn't until later when he was talking to his doctor again on the phone, answering questions, that Kurt realized he felt less on edge, less on the precipice of panic. The idea swirled around his mind all morning, school work lay abandoned to his thoughts. With a new determination Kurt stood up so abruptly his chair crashed to the ground. Without turning to pick it up, he hurried out his room, down the stairs and headed straight to the front door. Not giving himself a moment to think about what he was doing, Kurt flung the door open and stepped out onto the front lawn. The cold February breeze erupted goose flesh on his bare chest and on instinct his wings spread as it ruffled his feathers. Unmindful of his bare feet he stepped lightly into the melting snow. He fought the squint of his eyes, no longer familiar with the unfiltered light of day, trying to take in all of his surroundings at once. He spun in a slow circle, his wings fluttering, a smile on his face, and for the first time looked upon their yard without the barrier of a window in the full light of day. When they had moved, Kurt was insistent it be at night, and he only exited the car once the garage door had been shut behind them. He walked slowly around the house, his smile building at the even pace of his heart. He knew he was protected from prying eyes by the mass of trees and the high stone walls, he was safe.

 

He took account of the rest of his body. The cold sent shivers up and down his cold bare chest. His toes were numb from the icy ground and pinpricks of pain tingled in the joints. He could feel the wind rustle his feathers, acutely aware of each one. He had noticed it before, while showering or laying in bed. His feathers weren’t like the hairs on his head; he could feel each movement, each flutter. For the first time he didn’t resent that fact, but relished in the way his wings opened, testing the breeze.

 

Kurt didn't realize how late it was until his phone rang from its place in his pocket, sending his heart racing. He didn't have to look at the caller ID to know it was Blaine.

 

"I'm outside," he said in breathless greeting.

 

"Oh, do you need me to let you go?" Blaine asked, in obvious confusion.

 

"No, you don't understand. Blaine, I'm outside, I'm not in my house." His voice came out small in wonder, "I haven't been outside in over a year Blaine. It's been over two since I actually stood in the sun, when I haven't just been shuttled from one building to the other in the back of the car. " He could feel tears welling in his eyes and he didn't care. He wasn't sad, not really. He wished he could have had that time back, but that wasn't the cause for his tears. He felt... accomplished , like he was breaking himself out of a prison.

 

He was jolted out of his revelry by a quiet voice in his ear, "I didn't know it was so bad."

 

He couldn't help a joyful chuckle, it had been bad, but it was getting better. "I'll tell you about it, if you want." He wanted to tell Blaine, at least how it had begun, and that knowledge gave him a new resolve.

 

"As much as you want to tell me," Blaine answered.

 

"Alright," Kurt told him, "just let me get inside first, my feet are freezing. I really should have put my boots on first."

 

"Kurt, you'll get sick," Blaine reprimanded.

 

"It was worth it."

 

Once inside, his feet in warm fuzzy sock, a blanket haphazardly slung over his shoulders, a mug of steaming hot chocolate in one hand, his phone in the other Kurt finally told Blaine he was ready.

 

"School was never great for me. I mean I guess kindergarten was alright, but the older I got, the meaner my peers became. I had always heard that middle school was the worst, but high school... it was a nightmare. Things were still bearable before I joined glee, I mean I did start school every morning being thrown in a dumpster, but for the most part they left me alone once that was done. But then I joined glee club, and the football team, I guess they noticed me more."

 

"What did..." Blaine began to ask but trailed off.

 

"Slushies to the face mostly... but then junior year happened. There was this one guy, " Kurt could still not say his name, it was like he choked on it when he tried to spit it out. "I think he made it his mission to make me try and kill myself. Once he started it became unrelenting. He would shove me, call me every name you could think of, he... he even kissed me once. "

 

Kurt' s heart nearly broke at Blaine's compassionate, "oh, Kurt."

 

"That's when it got really, really bad. He threatened to kill me if I told and... any moment he saw me in the halls, he would do whatever he could to break me. I think the worst thing was when he would back me into a locker... And he wouldn't always say anything just... just run a finger down my chest or... lean in real close. Sometimes he would smell my neck. I couldn't move... I was just frozen there." Kurt stopped talking;, just telling Blaine about it brought back the feeling of helplessness that he had felt. He slowly breathed in and out, trying to calm himself, trying to keep the tears at bay; he was stronger than the memories, he told himself.

 

"Is that when you left?" Blaine asked eventually.

 

"No... I should have, I probably should have told my dad or someone, anyone then, but I was worried about how my dad would take it. He had had a heart attack earlier in the year, and I just, I couldn't risk his health. Um... One day after school, I was alone and he beat the shit out of me. I haven't been back to school since."

 

He wanted to go on and tell the rest of the story, tell him everything, but Kurt couldn't. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Blaine muttered, "thanks for telling me Kurt for trusting me."

 

"I'm on medication now," Kurt blurted, not sure why he felt he had to tell Blaine that.

 

"I was bullied before I came to Dalton, oh shit, I wasn't supposed to say that, but that's the name of my school. It's okay, I trust you... completely. Anyway, I had problems with anxiety and depression, my doctors said it was a form of PTSD from being beaten up. I was on medicine for almost a year before they started weaning me off. It's okay Kurt, I understand. And it's nothing to be ashamed of."

 

When Burt found out about Kurt's newest adventure, he was more reticent in his praise than Blaine. He was afraid to hope that Kurt would want to actually venture out in the world at large. He knew Kurt's fears and shared many of them. He was not blind to the speculations at just who the angel was, ; he had seen the hate as well. Not everyone thought a human with wings was a welcome addition to the world. Once again his son was being named an abomination by some. He had tried to shield Kurt from the greater part of this, but his son wasn't blind.  
That isn't to say he had agreed with Kurt when he all but begged to shut himself off from the world. When Kurt was small his wife and he had tried not to just give into his every whim. They had wanted to raise a son who knew that the world wouldn’t always cater to him. Kurt was never a spoiled child, he knew how to work for what he wanted. But as his child sat in his basement room crying, almost screaming in desperation for them to find a somewhere where he could be safe; Burt couldn’t tell him no. He would have done anything in his power never to see Kurt in such a state again. They bought the house not just for Kurt’s safety, but Burt knew, also in a desperate attempt to not lose him forever.

 

 

Burt had gotten used to coming home to Kurt on the phone laughing and moving around the kitchen as he put the finishing touches on a meal. Since first finding Kurt in this position, only by luck and a dead battery in the garage door opener, it had become a normal occurrence. It had become so commonplace that one fateful Monday when he entered his quiet house a feeling of dread washed over him. In just over six weeks, what used to be the norm made ice run through his veins. The kitchen was empty and cold, no meal lay waiting on the stove, his heart quickened. He calmly tried the living room, then the whole downstairs. Coming up empty handed, his heart sped again until it was racing. Burt hurried upstairs, all was still quiet, the noiselessness eerie and disconcerting. He pushed open Kurt's door, long since fixed, without even the thought of a knock. He let out a sigh of relief at finding Kurt safe and unharmed staring at himself in the mirror over his vanity.

 

Kurt stood in the mirror lost in thought and the sight of his own body. He had removed the scarves that normally hid the glass with numb hands and without much thought. He took in his features. Before him was a body that, if his head wasn't attached to it, Kurt wouldn't know was his. It scarcely resembled the body he had grown accustom to over the years. His shoulders were broad, and his chest defined in a way it hadn't been two years ago. His pecs now bulged with muscles from the weight of the wings on his back. His stomach was flat, lean muscles stretched under pale skin. Gone was the softening left behind with the last vestiges of baby fat. His waist was trim and his arms well defined. Kurt couldn't rectify his memories with what stared back at him from the mirror. Never would his old self walk around shirtless; but that had become the norm after the wings had begun to emerge.

 

After an age of just looking at himself, taking inventory of his body and the changes, he willed himself to take the next step. He spread his wings wide, unconscious of the audience that had just entered his room, he was so lost in himself. He couldn't see the wing tips in the mirror, only about two feet on each side was reflected back to him. The white opalescent feathers caught the light and shimmered as he slowly moved them, tested them. A soft gasp from behind finally broke through his thoughts. He knew immediately that it was his father. He slowly lowered his wings and turned to the man.

 

"You okay bud?" Burt asked, his voice smaller than either had ever heard it. Seeing Kurt actually spread his wings on purpose had caught him by surprise.

 

"I don't know," answered Kurt in the same manner, looking at Burt like he was lost.

 

Mr. Hummel slowly approached his son, not sure if he would be receptive to the gesture. "You want to talk about it?"

 

Kurt was silent for a moment, trying to figure out his words and where to begin. He was in shock and quite frankly had no idea what to think in the moment. "Um... Blaine, he asked... um, he wants to see me. I mean, he said he wanted to put a face to the voice and asked... he wants to Skype."

 

He looked to his father with those lost eyes, and Burt barely resisted pulling him to himself. "Skype, that's that video chat thing right?" He asked trying to get Kurt to talk, unsure what Kurt needed at the moment but wanting to give it to him if he could.

 

"Yeah, and I don't know. I mean I'm not ready to tell him about this," he said raising his wings once more in emphasis. "But I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to know what he looked like too, if I said I didn't wonder..."

 

Burt eyed his son closely before sitting on the bed and gesturing for Kurt to sit across from him. He waited until Kurt had arranged himself, his wings on either side of the stool in front of the vanity facing him. "You know I trust your judgment right? So whatever you decide to do, I am behind you one hundred percent. So talk to me."

 

"I just, I don't know what to do. I..." Kurt didn't know if he could tell his father all he was feeling. For months now, he had been talking to Blaine, getting to know him. The more he learned, the more he knew, the closer they had become. For months he had forced himself to ignore the flutter in his stomach, and the ache in his heart; only to have them intensify in the last month. He wasn't sure if it was the depression loosening it's its hold on him, or Blaine's understanding and empathy for everything he had shared. Blaine made him laugh, made him feel so much, and Kurt was terrified to look at what all of this might mean, or worse what he might have made up with his lonely confused heart.

 

"Tell me more about Blaine," his father prompted.

 

"He's the best. I've told you, he makes me laugh, he seems to understand, at least partially, what I'm going through." Kurt began slowly, rehashing things he had already told Burt in their more frequent talks. He took a deep breath and said, "hHe makes me feel connected and safe. I just... what if he doesn't feel the same, what if he can't handle the fact that I'm a freak?"

 

Burt leveled him with a stern gaze, "what have I told you Kurt; you are no freak. And from everything you have told me about Blaine, he seems to really care. Now I don't know how you feel about him, or he about you, that is between the two of you, not that I don't want to hear about it, I just can't tell you that. Besides, he didn't run when you told him about the depression or the anxiety, so..."

 

"But having wings growing out of your back is different," Kurt cut him off.

 

Burt shook his head at his son, "I don't see that they are that much different. With both, your body decided to do something to work in a different way than most people. The only real difference is that you can kinda hide what you're feeling, you can take medicine to try and control that part of you, and you can't do that with your wings. But Kurt, your wings, they are beautiful and amazing; they set you apart, but they don't take anything away from you if you don't let them."

 

Kurt had tears in his eyes, he hadn't ever thought about his wings that way. To him they were never amazing or things of beauty, they were something that happened to him, not really a part of him. He had let them take so much away from him already; was he ready to lose something special because of them? "But I'm not ready to tell him yet," Kurt told his father. He knew he wasn't ready to tell his whole story;, he just couldn't face that yet, no matter how much he trusted Blaine now.

 

"Don't you have control over what Blaine sees through that thing," he asked pointing to the sleeping computer on the desk. He let Kurt think on that before adding, "if Blaine makes you feel connected and safe like you say he does; something that your friends and family couldn't even do for you; shouldn't you at least try and figure out a way to make it work?"

 

"Dad," Kurt began, obvious to the both of them he was going to protest his father' statement.

 

"I'm not saying it's a bad thing Kurt, that he makes you feel that way. Hell, I'm grateful he could help you when none of us could. Why don't you think on it?, I'm going to see if Carole still has time to pick us up something before she gets home. Why don't you think about this some, okay?"

 

Kurt just had time to nod before Burt was out the door. He looked around his room for a moment, hoping it would have answers. Looking at the window he got inspiration. He rushed to his phone and quickly punched in a message.

 

okay, we can skype, just give me til tomorrow. I need to prepare myself for this. Meet me online at 4?

 

A reply came quickly, though he knew Blaine must already be down at dinner.

 

perfect! It's a date. Can't wait to see you.

 

Another text followed quickly. Bdanderson@dalton.edu. Kurt stared at the name, feeling so much trust with it. That gave him new determination. He turned to his closet and began rifling through the clothes that hung there.

 

By the time Carole came home with Chinese food, Kurt had picked out what he was going to work with and had quickly sketched what he was going to do. He hurried through his meal, barely listening to the conversation around the table. His father kept shooting him looks, but never asked what he had decided. He was just about to rush back upstairs when Burt stopped him. “Don’t forget Bud, that tomorrow Carole and I are going out for Valentine’s day; so don’t worry about dinner for us.”

 

“Oh, right!” Finn added, “I won’t be home either, Rachel wants to go to some new Vegan place that opened up.” Kurt wanted to laugh at the disgruntled face Finn was making, but the date was finally hitting him. He pulled his phone out and texted Blaine again.

 

I just realized tomorrow is Valentine’s day. Don’t you have plans?

 

He nervously paced the floor waiting for a reply, not noticing the amused look on his father’s face. When his phone chimed, he held his breath.

 

Of course I do dummy, I get to see you! ;)

 

Kurt couldn’t help the shy giggle that erupted out of him and ran towards the stairs. Only as his foot hit the third step did he remember that he needed some help.

 

“Hey Finn, could you get my sewing stuff down from the attic? I would but I won’t fit.” he said indicating to the wings on his back.

 

If Finn was surprised by the request he didn’t show it, he just asked where it was before going to help.

 

It had been so long since Kurt had created anything with his machine, he missed it. However, there were only so many pairs of pants you could make and only so much altering that could be done to them. It wasn’t like anyone really saw him anyways, only his family and occasionally members of the glee club. The longer he stayed at home though, the less frequent their visits became. Most of them were finishing their senior years; busy with college applications and the competition season.

 

When Finn set the box down in his room, he quickly set up the machine on his desk, before taking a seam ripper to a shirt and vest. He worked deconstruction the clothes until his fingers ached with the now unfamiliar movements. By the time they lay in pieces over the desk, the rest of the house was asleep.

 

The next day Kurt spent hours reworking the fabric to fit his frame and accommodate his wings. When the shirt was finished most of the back was gone, and it now slipped over his head, then tied at the waist. From the front, it simply looked like a standard button up, but the changes meant that Kurt could actually put it on. With the vest he was more adventurous, transforming it completely. He added zipper embellishments and ties over the front, while making it snap behind his neck and lower back. He stood in front of the mirror once again, taking in his new clothes. From the front you could not see his bare back peeking through; it was perfect.

 

Kurt looked at the clock and realized he only had an hour to perfect the second, and really most important part of the plan. He quickly turned his desk around, his chair now sitting in front of the window. He The back had been removed from the chair long ago, it only getting in the way when Kurt tried to use it. Kurt grabbed the end of the heavy black curtain, bought to keep out the sun in the hopes that Kurt would sleep longer after a night of insomnia. He ran them through the machine attaching Velcro as he went. . As quickly as he could he whipped the other side to the bottom of the chair. He did the same where the curtains met in the middle Once that was done, he sat in the chair and powered up his laptop. As he waited for the computer to boot, he slipped his wings through the gap in the curtains before hooking the Velcro together by feel.

 

Kurt sat staring at his image staring back at him from his webcam. For the first time in two years, he could look at himself without the wings distracting him. He looked just like any other teenage boy, if better dressed than most. Looking at himself, he felt like he could be normal again.

 

Glancing down he saw the time. 3:58. He grabbed his phone and texted his email address to Blaine with only a smiley face to accompany it. In moments his computer was ringing; with a deep breath he hit accept.

 

After a second of distorted images, the picture on his monitor became clear. Sitting in a chair, his black hair slicked down, a neat uniform showing on his shoulders, sat Blaine. Kurt could feel a smile, a genuine smile bloom on his face. “Why hello there Blaine D. Anderson.” he said taking in all of Blaine’s features at once.  
He was handsome;, reminiscent of movie stars of old; but what got to Kurt the most was his eyes crinkle in mirth and his beautiful smile.

 

Blaine laughed, and it was a sound that Kurt knew well after so many months. Hearing that familiar noise coming out of the face before him, made everything seem suddenly real in a way it hadn’t before. Blaine was a real person, he was whole and probably flawed, but that made him even more perfect to Kurt because it made him real.

 

“Kurt,” Blaine said, sounding as if he was coming to the same revelation that Kurt was. He laughed again and the sound sent Kurt’s heart thrumming pleasantly. “You have me at a distinct disadvantage sir, you now know my last name, but I am still at a loss for yours.” He would have looked stern or upset if not for the crinkles still playing around his eyes.

 

“Well, I guess that is what you get for sending me your school address.” Kurt told him playfully. Blaine’s laughter in answer loosened the last nerves from Kurt. “Hummel,” he said when Blaine was smiling again at him, “My name is Kurt Hummel.”

 

“Well, it is nice to finally be able to put a face and full name to you.” Blaine said.

 

“It is, isn’t it?” Kurt breathed, feeling his heart pitter patter.

 

After that, they talked like they had almost every afternoon, but being able to see each other, to see the reactions instantaneously, made the whole thing so much better. Occasionally Kurt would glance at the little window showing his picture back at him to make sure his wings were still covered, but for the most part he just talked, taking in Blaine as he did. If Blaine thought it odd that Kurt had curtains behind him, he neither said anything nor did his face show it. Hours later, when Kurt closed the lid on his laptop, he couldn’t control his grin to himself. Not only had he actually let Blaine see him, if not in his entirety, but it had been as if nothing had changed.

 

He wanted to relish this small victory, so he ignored all the feelings seeing Blaine had brought up. He determinedly focused on the interactions, and not what they made him feel like. He wasn’t ready to burst his own bubble with the harshness that reality would bring. Not tonight anyway. He did let himself replay they way Blaine whispered ‘Happy Valentine’s day Kurt,” just before they disconnected. He let those words play over and over in his mind the rest of the night.

 

As much as things had changed for Kurt, he quickly fell into a the new rhythm of his life. Before what was a series of distractions from an ever narrowing life, turned into moments to look forward to. He now rushed through his school work, eager to be finished with each subject with the prospect of a texting with Blaine or a long phone call and at least a couple of times a week Skyping with him. Blaine wasn't the only thing he looked forward to anymore. When he was home alone he would take long walks around his families new property, straying ever closer to the walls surrounding it. He yearned to be able to venture beyond them, to be a part of the world that even before his wings had shunned him. He wanted to try again; he knew, however, that it wasn't that simple anymore, his presence would draw too much attention to him no matter what he tried. Even knowing it was impossible, Kurt took strength in the knowledge that he wanted to go out in the world once more. He also took pleasure again in clothes, slowly refashioning all his previously useless tops into styles he could wear around his wings. Many hours were spent on the phone with Blaine his machine whirling in the background.

 

With each day, he felt himself becoming stronger emotionally. There were still bad days, days he couldn't face even approaching those doors. On those days he couldn't even Skype with Blaine;, just the knowledge that he could be seen was too much. And there was the one day, the worst day,day; he thought he had undone all his progress with one moment of daring.

 

With new feelings and emotions swirling around him, he had taken a moment to give in to his new mounting desire. A need that had long since been snuffed out but fear and depression was ignited in him once more. Alone in the house, he finally gave in to his urges, but with a new curiosity that had not been there years before. A quick google search had led to a site with so many options just a click away. He didn't know why he clicked on that one video;, it was just the one his cursor rested on once the new page had loaded. He sat eagerly awaiting the video to load, his want growing the longer it took. When the video started to play though the hot need in him ran cold at the image in front of him. A small man lay whimpering on the ground as a hugely muscled man pounded into him. It wasn't just the unrelenting way the young man was being used that sent panic through Kurt, it was the large pair of obviously fake wings resting on his back. Tears welled in his eyes as he watched this man whimper and groan as he was used, those feathery imitations stuttering uselessly on his back. He couldn't move from shock, until the behemoth grunted, "Pretty angel, this is all you are good for."

 

Kurt's breath stuttered out of his chest and his arm shot out slamming the laptop shut. Still the image wouldn't leave his mind. This wasn't just about the man on the screen, this is what people thought of him. They didn't think of the angel as just another person with thoughts and desires;, he was an object of lust to be used as such. He was a kink. This wasn't just about the wings, it was about him. There were no other winged people;, no matter what the doctors theorized may happen in the future, it was only him. And that video showed clearly what some people minimized him to, a pretty kink meant only to be fucked.

 

Kurt's mind raced, from the video to remembered comments on news articles he had seen about himself. The opinions ranged from sympathy to awe but at least in Kurt's mind they were dominated by rants about him being an abomination or a freak. Some called him a mockery of religion, others just the beginning of a new set of mutants that had to be stopped at all cost.

 

His mind continued to spiral, where would Blaine fall into this spectrum, he couldn’t help but ask himself. Would this be another thing he took in stride, just like every other revelation Kurt had thrown at him? Would he look down on Kurt with sympathy, as if he was a poor helpless thing he could only feel sorry for? Would it be worse, would he think him an awful freak or abomination? Kurt beat at his head as the next thought came, would he see him as a thing only to be used to sate a desire?

 

Kurt lost himself to his panic, thrashing and crying, unmindful of the world around him. Utterly alone he screamed his mess of emotions out into the world until his body was spent in a wholly different way that he had intended when he opened his laptop. Hours later, the chiming of his phone wrestled him out of his sleep. His mind not yet back in this world, he answered the phone.

 

"Kurt? You okay? I texted you earlier but you never responded." Blaine asked his concern clear.

 

Kurt cleared his throat trying to get it to work better than the croaked hello he had produced when answering. "Um, I think I am now. I uh... I had a panic attack earlier I think."

 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Blaine asked, always there to lend an ear if he could.

 

"I don't know," Kurt began, not sure how to word all his worries without delving into a subject he couldn't bring himself to reveal after his already emotional afternoon. "I don't think I want to think about it anymore. I don't want to chance another one. Thanks though."

 

Blaine did what he could to carry on a normal conversation, drawing Kurt out of his mind and onto other subject. That was one of the things that Kurt appreciated about Blaine, he could always make things better.

 

Even with the not so good days, and the worst day as well, Kurt was becoming more content in his world. He talked to his father more, the rest of his family as well. And of course Blaine was always there either on the other end of his phone, his computer, a part of his conversations or simply on his mind. His family had long since grown used to this virtual stranger weaving his way into almost every chat they had with Kurt. They almost felt like they knew him too. Blaine had in his turn heard enough about Kurt's family to ask about them as well. He had heard enough stories to almost be about to guess what Kurt's newest one would entail. The two were so entwined no one could have guessed they couldn't have picked the other out of a crowd.

 

One night, Kurt lay on his stomach on his bed, chatting happily with Blaine. He no longer denied to himself how he felt about the other boy. Kurt couldn't call it a simple crush;, that word seemed to trivialize his feelings. A crush wouldn't send his heart racing like it did every time they spoke, or cause his stomach to flip flop in such a giddy way. A crush wouldn't flush his cheeks or make Kurt want to rush out of his house to find this Dalton Academy. No, Kurt was utterly and hopelessly in love with Blaine. He basked in the feeling without ever deluding himself to think Blaine could possibly feel the same way. Not Blaine, who was surrounded by boys, many of whom were gay. Not Blaine, who lived in the world and could go out and find a nice handsome, whole man. Not Blaine, it was too much to hope for.

 

"Do you think you can have feelings for someone you never met?" Blaine asked pulling Kurt from his musing.

 

Kurt felt caught for a moment, not sure what Blaine could be talking about. "It depends, if you are talking about a boy you see across the mall that you think is cute, no that is lust not love."

 

Blaine chuckled down the phone line, low and deep. Kurt's heart pattered at the sound. "No, I didn't mean that. I mean someone that you know; you've talked to, but have never spent time in the same place. Do you think it's possible then?"

 

"Yes," Kurt whispered in a rush before he could think on it.

 

"Okay then," Blaine replied before delving into telling Kurt about his glee clubs preparations for regionals.

 

Hours later, after veering to other subjects, Blaine brought the conversation back to regionals. "Next Saturday we compete," he said again, having already told Kurt this numerous times. Before Kurt could remind him that he knew, Blaine forged onward, "do you think... do you think you could come and watch me?" he asked sounding shier than Kurt had ever heard him.

 

"Oh Blaine," Kurt sighed, "I would love to but I just don't think that..."

 

"Please, just think about it. I know it will be hard for you, and even if you don't think you can do the crowd, maybe we could meet for coffee or something afterwards. I just... I really want to meet you." He said cutting Kurt off, and continued before Kurt could reply. "Just... We'll Skype tomorrow, please think about it until then."

 

Kurt couldn't let him down, not yet so he simply told him, "okay I'll think about it," before they bid each other good night.

 

Kurt laid awake all night thinking about Blaine and his proposed meeting. He knew he couldn't do it. He knew he couldn't risk going to the competition, face all those people and the stares; if he couldn't face waiting in the wings with a dozen friends, why would he be able to do it for one boy. Blaine wasn't just any boy, but that did not change the seriousness of the situation. He knew he couldn't sit at a coffee shop and wait for Blaine to enter, high on adrenaline following competition; not knowing what sat waiting for him. He knew he couldn't avoid prying eyes, he was a virtual magnet for attention whether he wanted it or not.

 

Kurt kept thinking of Blaine's eager face, the hope that lay behind his eyes. With the prospect of seeing that face up close and not through his computer monitor, Kurt would have gladly faced his fears, if that was all that was holding him back. But it wasn't just a matter of Kurt overcoming his own anxiety, no matter how hard that would be. Blaine still didn't know what set Kurt apart, and as Kurt lay lost in thought this kept coming back to him. Blaine didn't know.

 

Kurt didn't sleep that night, warring with himself over what before would before have been an easy decision. No one could know, ; it was not safe. Telling the glee club had not been Kurt's decision. Finn had needed someone to talk to, and as things happened in their little club, word had spread. Kurt was just thankful that the group was smart enough to know the seriousness of the situation and kept it to themselves. Kurt knew however, that he would never be left alone if anyone found out what he was.

 

But Blaine changed things. Kurt didn't want to hide from him anymore. He knew he risked rejection or worse by telling Blaine but he couldn't deny it felt like the right thing to do. Even coming to this decision didn't allow sleep to come. He kept playing over in his mind scenarios of how it would turn out once he told Blaine everything. Kurt's mind wouldn't rest. When he heard his father stumbling around the kitchen, he finally got up from his bed.

 

Burt was just pouring his first cup of coffee when Kurt entered the kitchen. He didn't hide his surprise seeing his son up so early. His eyebrows rose, but he remained silent, waiting for Kurt to tell him what was troubling him. Kurt poured himself a cup of the strong coffee before joining his dad at the table.

 

"Blaine wants to meet," he said without preamble.

 

Burt seemed to be trying to read Kurt for a moment before setting his coffee cup down and steepling his fingers in front of his face. "And what do you think of this?"

 

"I can't obviously. I mean even if I want to I can't just walk up to him in public." Kurt muttered.

 

"Because you haven't told him?"

 

"Because I haven't told him." Kurt repeated even though his father knew he was right. "But I want to." He surprised his father by saying.

 

Burt hid his surprise well though, "you do?" He asked.

 

"I do." Kurt took a deep breath before continuing, knowing he had to be completely honest. "I like Blaine, I like him more than I should. But more importantly, I trust Blaine. I think I have kept this from him long enough. It is not fair to him if I continue our friendship and he doesn't know. It feels more and more like lying every day. So, I'm going to tell him."

 

Burt finished his mug of coffee before standing up. As he was walking out of the room to go get dressed, he clapped Kurt on the shoulder accompanied with a gruff, "I'm proud of you son."

 

Kurt was antsy the rest of the day, knowing what was coming. He changed his outfit more times than he could count, not able to settle himself enough to do any actual work. Blaine texted him throughout the day, and Kurt's replies were short. He half wanted to just text it out or send an email so that the torturous wait would be over, but he owed Blaine more than that after months of keeping a secret from him. So Kurt kept his replies short throughout the day to stave off temptation.

 

As the minutes ticked closer to their Skype date, Kurt couldn't keep himself still. He paced his room having no other outlet though. Just before Blaine was due back to his room, Kurt forced himself to sit in his chair and arrange his curtains just so. He didn't need Blaine to find out that way what Kurt really was.

 

Blaine' smiling face came into view as soon as Kurt accepted the call.

 

"Hey," Blaine breathes showing his own nerves. "Before you answer me about meeting. I just need to tell you something."

 

"Me too," Kurt rushed to say.

 

"Please let me go first." Blaine implored utilizing the worlds more pathetic puppy dog look. As soon as Kurt nodded, partial thankful for the temporary reprieve, Blaine continued. "I really like you Kurt. These past few months getting to know you have been probably the best in my life. You are amazing... in every way. And my only regret is that I didn't tell you sooner how I feel. I want to meet you because I want to see if maybe you felt the same and see if we could be more. But I understand if you don't feel the same or you can't... I just want to try."

 

Kurt sat there dumbfounded as Blaine rambled on. He could hardly believe what he was hearing. All thoughts of telling Blaine flew out the window as he sat listening to Blaine's words tumble from his lips. When Blaine finally quieted, Kurt opened his mouth to speak not yet sure what he would say in return. "But you don't want me," he said in a small voice.  
"Why wouldn't I Kurt? You are the single most interesting boy in all of Ohio. I knew that even before I saw your face. I have been falling for you for months." Blaine was looking at Kurt as if all this should have been obvious to him.

 

"But you deserve better than me Blaine." Kurt found himself saying and it was true. Blaine deserved more than Kurt could ever give him. "You have been the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can't give you near that in return. I am just a broken freak. You could do so much better than me."

 

The hurt in Blaine's eyes were clear. "Kurt... I don't care what you think I deserve what I want is you. And please don't ever call yourself broken or a freak. When I look at you I see neither of those things."

 

Hearing that did little to comfort Kurt though, instead it made anger rise up in him exacerbated by his lack of sleep. Anger at the world, anger at his own useless body for doing this to him, anger at Blaine for not understanding. Burning with rage at the whole situation Kurt whipped around pulling his wings free from the curtain in the process. "Look at me now Blaine. Do you see now what a freak I am!" He yelled. Tears blurred his vision as he turned around to face his computer once more but not enough to miss the wide eyed shock on Blaine's face. Before Blaine could utter another word, Kurt ended the call and slumped back down in his chair.

 

His phone began to buzz a minute later, but Kurt just silenced it, not even looking at the screen. He didn't need to look, he knew it was Blaine. Kurt sat reviewing everything that had just happened. He felt shame rising up in him at his response. Not ready to face Blaine, Kurt turned off his phone before turning back to his computer where it all began. He opened up the page where it all started and began typing.

 

Blaine,  
I know I did this all wrong, I am so sorry. You should know I planned on telling you everything today. I never intended you to find out the way you did. If the offer to meet still stands I would like to, though for obvious reason I can't meet you on equal ground. Someone will meet you at the Lima Bean next Saturday at 5 if you want to talk. They will bring you here. We can talk then. I think it would be best if we save everything else until we are in the same room. Please don't call or text, and only email to let me know if you want to meet. Until then I think I need time.

 

I'm sorry.  
Kurt

 

The following week was one of the longest Kurt could ever remember. Although he had immediately gone to sleep after sending the message, Blaine's reply was waiting for him the next morning. A simple ok was all it said. Kurt told his dad everything, and though he tried to hide his disappointment, Kurt could clearly see it. Burt did agree to collect Blaine for him, which Kurt counted as a small victory.

 

He whiled away the time with as many distractions as he could. None of them helped. By the time Saturday rolled around again, Kurt was a bundle of raw nerves. His skin itched with anxiety, worried Blaine wouldn't show, or what his reaction would be. It was a thousand times worse than the first time he had planned on telling Blaine. The memory of their fight, of Kurt's horrid behavior gnawed at Kurt making his bile rise at the thought of something similar happening again.

 

He could hear voices drifting up from the living room as he fidgeted in his room. Knowing the time had finally come, Kurt leapt in terror at the knock at his bedroom door. His dad peeked in, seeing Kurt standing there as white as a sheet.

 

"He's waiting downstairs bud." He said in an oddly quiet voice.

 

"Did you?" Kurt asked his voice cracking.

 

"I didn't say a word."

 

"Did he?"

 

Burt shook his head, "I think he wants to hear it from you. Most awkward car ride of my life," Burt chuckled.

 

Kurt nodded before steeling himself once more. He could do this, he had to do this. As Kurt crept down the stairs, safe in the knowledge that his father was close enough to help if needed but far enough away to not hear everything that was said, and knowing that the rest of his family was out of the house. Kurt stopped just shy of the living room door. He couldn't face Blaine not yet.

 

"Blaine?" He asked, just needing to hear his voice, to know that it was really him that lay on the other side of the wall.

 

"Kurt? Do I get to see you now? Can we talk?" He asked, his voice barely carrying to Kurt. Kurt wanted to see his face, wanted to know what feelings lay there that were not given away by his voice.

 

"Can um... can I start here? Please?" Kurt asked his voice breaking again.

 

"Whatever you need Kurt, just please talk to me."

 

Kurt slumped against the wall, the pressure against his wings uncomfortable, but providing just the right amount of pressure to center him. "I don't know where to start." He laughed before riding over anything Blaine might have said. "I've been thinking forever how to tell you this but... it's just, I've never had to before. You know how I told you about Ka... Karofsky beating me up?"

 

"Of course," came Blaine's broken reply.

 

"I left school, dad was going to try and find another school for me to go to. It was hard, but I didn't let it rule my life. I still went out, did the things I liked to do. Karofsky was still out there, the cops said they didn't have any proof that it was him that beat me up, but I don't think they tried. Um... One day I was at the mall, shopping... alone and he was there. He didn't really do anything, not that time, just shoved me against the wall before walking off. At first I thought that was why my back was hurting. I didn't want to tell my dad, I was afraid he wouldn't let me go out anymore." Kurt gave a bitter chuckle. "But eventually it got to where I could hardly move it hurt so bad. I finally told Carole. When she looked at my back, she said there were lumps there."

 

Kurt paused to take a breath his heart beating wildly. "At first they thought it might be some kind of weird cancer, none of the doctors she works with had seen anything like it. Soon it was clear though that it wasn't though. I don't remember much about them coming in, ; I was in a lot of pain so they kept me pretty sedated. I just know I woke up and I had these... things on my back."

 

"Say it." Blaine implored. "Please just tell me so I know I didn't just hallucinate the whole thing."

 

Kurt took another deep breath then another trying to find his balance again as the world spun. "I had wings... I went to sleep worrying about tumors and woke up with a pair of wings sticking out of my back."

 

"Kurt..." Blaine's voice called out to him from the living room, closer but still far enough away to not send Kurt running.

 

He talked quickly hoping to keep Blaine where he was, "they did a bunch of test and I have never felt so frightened or alone. They put me on a private floor and ran every test they could think of. They can't tell me why this has happened to me. They found something in my DNA but can't tell if it is something that was always going to happen or if it is some mutation caused by stress or environment. There are all sorts of theories. I just know that I can never live a normal life. Everything was taken away from me and I can't have or be what I want because I am some kind of freak of nature. They called me an angel but I don't want to be one. I just want to be me, to have a life, to be someone that someone can love and I can't." Kurt slumped against the wall, sliding down to the floor as his tears stopped his words. He could feel himself spiraling further out of control.

 

His world seemed to be crashing around him as his heart rate skyrocketed and his breathing hitched useless in his throat. He could feel his hold failing, then a pair of strong hands gripped his face and a pair of hazel eyes bored into his. "Breathe Kurt, it's okay, I've got you, I'm here."

 

Kurt took in a deep breath but words continued to tumble out as he held Blaine's gaze. "You deserve better than me, you ... you changed everything and I want... but I know I can't have... I know..."

 

"Don't you think I know best what I deserve. " Blaine said his eyes steady where he held Kurt's gaze. "Kurt I think you are the most amazing, most beautiful compassionate person I know, with or without wings. And we can talk more about that once you have calmed down alright."

 

Kurt nodded and tried to match his breathing to Blaine's as he tried to empty his brain of every bad thought only letting Blaine's words repeat themselves in his mind. After what seemed like hours, but had probably only been minutes, Kurt was calm once more. He let himself take in just where he was. He was still slumped against the wall, his wings bent uncomfortably around and under him. Blaine was squatting in front of him, clad unsurprisingly in his school uniform. Blaine was here. He knew everything and he was still here his hands cupping Kurt's face. Kurt could feel a blush burn his cheeks when he realized this. He ducked his head shyly, not used to such a tender touch from anyone let alone Blaine.

 

"Maybe," Blaine said, tilting Kurt's chin up to look at him again. "We could go sit in the living room and talk."

 

Kurt nodded before Blaine stood and held his hand out for Kurt to take. Once Kurt was on his feet, instead of releasing his hand, Blaine merely shifted it to lead Kurt over to the couch. Their hands still entwined Kurt sat gingerly beside him. He couldn't help but notice that Blaine's eyes never strayed to his wings.

 

"You can... you can look... if you want, it won't offend me. They are hard to ignore." Kurt said, playing with his own fingers laced around Blaine's.

 

Blaine's reply shocked Kurt, "I quite like this view thank you very much," he said not taking his eyes off of Kurt's face.

 

Quickly remembering his crying fit just moments earlier, Kurt went to hide his face, "I must look awful."

 

"I think you look stunning." Blaine said pulling his hands down.

 

Slowly, Kurt began telling him everything again. He told him how once the doctors released him from the hospital, he couldn't face the thought of leaving the house. He told him about reading the articles published and the backlash, people words said in anonymity that cut deep because they were about him. The whole time Blaine listened and let Kurt talk until his voice grew tired.

 

They sat in silence for a while, it shouldn’t have been comfortable, but against all odds it was. Kurt found himself relaxing more the longer it lingered. It felt like a cam after the storm; the moment when the sun is not out yet, but the clouds have begun to move past and quiet fills the space clashing thunder and the dull drumming of rain just dominated. Kurt reveled in it a moment longer before asking quietly, “What are you thinking?” He was terrified of the answer, but he just had to know what was on Blaine’s mind.

 

“Well,” began Blaine, turning so he was completely facing Kurt again. “I have to admit last week, when you, when I first saw them… your wings, I thought it couldn’t be real. I mean, I had heard of the angel, I knew there was someone out there with wings; but I just couldn’t imagine that you were him. I remember last year in Biology we were studying DNA and and article had just come out… about you. My teacher had us read it and discuss it in class. They still hadn’t come up with any theories about why it happened, not yet; and I remember we talked about how hard it would be to go through a change like that. I mean it could have been any one of us; we were around the same age and…” Blaine must have seen the crestfallen look on Kurt’s face, he didn’t want pity, because he quickly added, “it wasn’t that we felt sorry for him… you, it wasn’t pity, more sympathy for how difficult it must have been. I remember thinking, even then that I would just want someone to make it easier, to make it not seem as hard… if it was me.”

 

“You did,” Kurt interrupted. “My friends, they tired I guess, but they would stare; I realize that they are hard to ignore, but sometimes it felt like they didn’t even try. That made it harder to just be around them. With you, I mean, I know that at first you never saw me, and that I hid them, but for so long they just didn’t matter around you. I think that was part of the reason it was so hard to tell you; I didn’t want that to end. Even on the phone, they were always so hesitant, and I didn’t want that with you. So, even once I trusted you, I wouldn’t let myself tell you. I told myself it wouldn’t be safe, but really I think I was just scared that things would change.”

 

“I can understand that, and I don’t think I can tell you how much it means to me that you trusted me with this. But I promise, they don’t really change things for me, not really.” Blaine said, and the earnestness in his eyes was almost too much for Kurt to handle. Even as his heart sped in such a wonderful way, something still bothered Kurt.

 

“Why won’t you look at them then?” He blurted, his face flushing instantly at the blunt way it came out.

 

It was Blaine’s turn to duck his head in embarrassment though, “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, that’s all.”

 

“You can look,” Kurt told him standing and turning around to give him a better view, but also so he didn’t have to see Blaine’s reaction.

 

He stood there for a minute, his back turned to Blaine in the silence of the room before curiosity got the better of him. He half turned his body so he could see Blaine’s face. His eyes seemed to sparkle and dart around every inch of Kurt’s wings but a small smile played on his lips.

 

Blaine caught Kurt’s eye after flicking over from the arch of his right wing. “Can I… can I touch them?” he asked in a small voice.

 

Kurt’s heart stuttered in his chest, no one had ever really touched them, not purposefully, not without cold latex gloves covering their hands. Kurt had of course felt them, small experimental touches, or quick brushes against them after a shower. Not able to find his voice, Kurt nodded. Only then did Blaine’s eyes leave his face and his hand slowly stretch up.

 

The first touch was not much more than a brush, Blaine’s fingers barely making contact with the tip of a feather. Kurt didn’t move, he could hardly feel it. Next Blaine ran his hand slowly down the expanse of one wing. Kurt could feel himself relaxing at the touch, ; it made warmth bloom up in him. He watched as Blaine stepped closer before he ran both hand delicately up and over where the wings arched above his shoulders and as far down as he could reach without bending over. Kurt shivered, and his stomach flipped at the sensation.

 

“Alright?” Blaine asked, his eyes locked with Kurt’s and his hand resting gently on one wing.

 

“Yeah, no one’s ever really…”

 

Blaine slowly removed his hand, his eyes widening with concern, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think…”

 

“No!” Kurt said quickly spinning to face Blaine fully again. “no, it was nice. I liked it. I just didn’t…” Kurt trailed off, not sure how or if he should reveal his next thought.

 

“What?” Blaine asked, fully focused on Kurt’s face once more.

 

“I didn’t think it would feel so good, so intimate.” Kurt bit his lips bashfully.

 

Blaine’s hand hovered in the air for a moment before falling again to his side. “Really?”

 

Kurt flushed again, feeling the heat grow in his face, “More intimate than a hug, but I didn’t… it’s not like I… It was nice and I liked it;, and maybe more because it is you.”

 

“Why me?” Blaine asked with hope in his eyes.

 

Kurt couldn’t help but shake his head, “Because I like you… more than a friend… the same way I think that you like me?” Kurt held his breath for Blaine’s response.

 

Without speaking, Blaine stepped closer, his hands gently cupping his wings on either side of Kurt’s shoulder, he inched forward until their faces were mere inches apart. “I do you know. I like you, I want to be with you… if you’ll have me.”

 

Kurt could feel a free smile bloom on his face, he felt a burst of happiness before reality set in, ; he had to be clear. “It won’t be easy, we can’t go out in public, it won’t be like any other relationship; but I want to… be with you.”

 

Blaine heartwarming smile coaxed another out of Kurt, “Why would I want any other relationship when I could have you?” He asked.

 

Kurt leaned in, ready to capture Blaine’s pillow like lips with his own, when his father’s voice shattered the moment, pulling them both back. “It’s almost 9, don’t I need to get you back to your car Blaine, it’s a long ride back to Westerville.”

 

Kurt glanced over Blaine’s shoulder to see Burt standing there his arms crossed across his chest and an unfamiliar look on his face. Blaine’s hands dropped from his wings and he turned around to face Mr. Hummel. “Thank you sir, but I am not going to Westerville. I am going to my parents’ house for the weekend, they live here in Lima.”

 

Kurt was pleasantly surprised at this revelation, but kept quiet as he watched his father stand there, the picture of unease. “It’s still getting late, ; I’ll meet you in the car.”

 

Unsure what his father was thinking, Kurt turned to Blaine, ”So…” he let the word hang in the air.

 

“So, do you think I can come over tomorrow and spend the day with my boyfriend?” Blaine asked mischief sparkling in his eyes.

 

Kurt couldn’t contain his smile or a small squeal of excitement as he replied, “I think he would love that.”

 

After Kurt showed Blaine back to the garage and his father’s waiting car, he flounced around the kitchen in the wildest most exuberant happy dance he could have come up with. A week of tormenting himself with increasingly horrible scenarios, Kurt could never have imagined this. They may not have gotten to kiss, and there was something going on with his dad, but he couldn’t have dreamed of a better result. He felt light without the weight of a secret on him, the wings didn’t matter to Blaine, Blaine liked him back, and Kurt had a boyfriend. For the first time in two years Kurt smiled with a hope for the future.

 

Kurt was making himself a cup of warm milk, knowing he needed something to make him relax if he wished to sleep that night he was so full of happiness and excitement. Carole had strolled in a few minutes after his father left with Blaine, Kurt was sure that he had called her to let her know the coast was clear. Kurt was half expecting to be interrogated the moment she walked through the door; half of him wanted to be, but the other half wanted to bask in the memories just a bit longer before he shared them, she surprised him though and just offered a smile and a kiss on the cheek before announcing she was heading to bed. He was alone in the kitchen slowly stirring the pan of milk when his phone chirped with a new text, quickly followed by the sound of the garage door lifting.

 

Are you free to talk?, the message read.

 

He answered quickly, Give me 15 mins.

 

Kurt couldn’t contain his smile as he added a dash of vanilla and cinnamon to his milk thinking about Blaine once again. He had almost forgotten that his father was home when he cleared his throat and asked, “Is there enough there for two? I think we need to talk.”

 

Kurt looked over to his dad, seeing that same look that he had worn before leaving to take Blaine home. Kurt still couldn’t place it and he began to feel the prickles of dread creep into his previously elated mood. “I can make more.” he answered before busying himself adding more milk to the pan.

 

His hands shook as he stirred and added more vanilla and cinnamon to the mix. Silently he cursed the way his unadulterated joy was slipping away, but also himself for letting himself get lost in the feeling. He should have known it wouldn’t last; it never did. He wanted to put off the inevitable conversation with his dad, his gut telling him that it wouldn’t end well. Unfortunately, once the milk was ready, Kurt knew he couldn’t delay it any longer. He poured the warm milk into two mugs and sat across from his father at the kitchen table where he had sat watching him in his task. Kurt couldn’t however make himself look at Burt;, instead he concentrated on the mug in front of him warming his now cold hands.

 

Burt was silent for a minute more, and still Kurt could not look at him. Even as he cleared his throat to speak, Kurt kept his gaze locked on his mug. "Kurt, I'm worried... About about this Blaine guy." His father began and Kurt couldn't help but shoot his head up to look at his dad.

 

"What? Why?" Kurt asked his contempt clear in his voice.

 

He could see his dad fidget under his stare but held it firm. His sigh sounded bone weary before he answered. "I come downstairs to find him holding your wings, aren't you worried that..." He trailed off obviously at a loss for words.

 

Kurt didn't have the same problem, anger fueled his words; wasn't his father the one who kept telling him he should be honest with Blaine that maybe he was worth it. "That he is only interested in the angel? No, I'm not, for once I’m not worried about what someone could be thinking of me, of the wings. You sat there and told me that I should take a chance and I did. I trusted him, and for once in my life it turned out better than I could hope for. Blaine likes me, he liked me before he knew and he still likes me. Do you know how that makes me feel? Can you even imagine what this is like for me? Not only does the boy I like like me back, but he doesn't think I’m a freak!"

 

"But he was touching them," Burt tried again.

 

"I know!" Kurt yelled, "and he is the only one who has that wasn't examining me or that it was an accident. I still don't like them, but for once, someone made me feel like they weren't some gross growth but a beautiful part of me. I'm sorry he isn't as disgusted of them as you..."

 

"Now that isn't fair." Burt yelled back interrupting him before lowering his voice. "We've been over this; I didn't want to hurt you. I was afraid to touch you because I didn't want to hurt you, not because I was disgusted. I've always tried to do right by you, but bud you have to cut me some slack here. Sometimes I am going to mess up, but I am always going to try and look out for you. I just... I didn't want you to get your hopes up because some boy I don't know sweeps in here and tries to take advantage of you because you are lonely."

 

Kurt stood up leaving his milk untouched behind. "I trust Blaine, and you said you trusted me, so please just let me do this." He started to leave but turned around when he reached the door of the kitchen, "and maybe you could make an effort to get to know Blaine. He's my boyfriend now, so he will be around here more. Maybe then you will see that I don't just like him because he was there, which deny it all you want, you implied."

 

Safely closed in his room he willed the light feeling to come back. He knew his dad only wanted what was best for him, but he also wished he could know what his words had done to him. It was hard enough to believe that Blaine could like him without Burt planting seeds of doubt in his mind. He refused to let those feelings take root though and without another moment's hesitation he called Blaine. Their conversation buoyed him up, and with a smile on his face, he fell asleep that night excited to see Blaine in the morning.

 

Kurt walked aimlessly through the trees surrounding his house listening for the sound of tires on gravel over the rustle of the leaves. Normally he saved his walks for when he was home alone. While his father knew about his growing confidence at being outside, Kurt didn't want him to see the few times he had rushed back into the house in a panic at a sudden noise in the brush or the baseless feel of unseen eyes watching him. When his family was home, he chose instead to spend time with them, or in his room when he needed his own space. However, that morning following their fight Burt had seemed to hover more, ready to speak anytime he found himself alone with Kurt. Kurt was tired of scurrying away with little excuse just to avoid what he was sure would be another confrontation. So, after gaining assurances from Carole that they would buzz Blaine through the gate as soon as he arrived, Kurt made his way out into the garden sure his dad wouldn't follow.

 

As Kurt was meandering through the growth of trees behind his house, shuffling footsteps in the grass, not the sound of tires met his ears. He turned sure that his father was there to force another talk. Instead his eyes fell on Blaine, his cheeks rosy in the slight chill and his hands full with two still steaming takeout cups of coffee.

 

"Nonfat mocha?" He asked as he neared holding one cup out towards Kurt, a shy smile turning his lips.

 

"But how?" Kurt asked, his heart in his throat. For so long he had made due with only drip coffee from their own machine, flavored with special creams when he could. His friends and Finn had tried to treat him a few times with cups from the Lima Bean only for them to be barely drinkable by the time they made it out to his house.

 

Blaine just shrugged one shoulder as he took a sip from his own cup. "You used to talk about getting coffee every morning before school and how much you loved mochas. I just had the girl put them in a thermos to keep them hot. That's okay, right?"

 

Kurt couldn't help but smile at Blaine's sudden bashfulness. "No," he said, "it's perfect. Thank you. You know no one had ever thought of that before. Either you are a genius or my friends are not as smart as they think."

 

Blaine joined Kurt as he began walking again around the property. They sipped their coffee exchanging smiles and words as they wove through the trees and across the open areas separating the small groves. Kurt startled when Blaine's cup warmed hand slipped into his own chilled one; but before Blaine could think of pulling away after his reaction, Kurt squeezed his hand and offered him a contented smile.

 

They stopped after some time and sat under the wide branches of an old oak tree as Blaine continued to tell Kurt all about the competition the weekend before. "We lost, but it was great getting to perform in front of all those people... I wish you could have been there."

 

Kurt turned to Blaine, he didn't look sad or hurt, but a wistful look filled his eyes. "I would have loved to have been there," Kurt told him honestly. "I really wish I could have been there."

 

Kurt almost startled again as Blaine's hand reached up and gently cupped his cheek, his eyes never wavering from Kurt's own. "I know Kurt, and I understand. It was too much for me to ask; you have come so far just being out here. I'm so proud of you."

 

Kurt's voice was thick when he responded, "Thank you. You don't know how much I wanted to just tell you I would be there. I would have tried because I knew it would make you happy. But... it's not just a matter of being brave, ; even if I wanted to leave this place, I don't think there will be a place for me out there."

 

"Kurt," Blaine sighed, his eyes sad and his thumb tenderly caressing the apple of Kurt's cheek which warmed at the contact. "You are beautiful and you shouldn't have to hide."

 

Almost without thought, Kurt's hand sprang to the back of Blaine's neck and tangled gently in the short hairs there. One small pull was all it took to bring their lips together. The softness pillowed against his own, their warmth despite the chill in the air surprised and intrigued Kurt. His own lips tingled as his eyes slipped closed relishing in the sensation. He pulled a breath in through his nose and was assaulted by the scent of raspberries, vanilla, and a hint of musk he was already coming to associate with Blaine. Their lips moved experimentally together for a moment before Kurt gave in to the urge to truly taste Blaine. His tongue darted out to sweep softly over Blaine's lips. Hearing Blaine's sharp intake of breath though, Kurt pulled back and opened his eyes.

 

He didn't have to wait long before Blaine's hazel eyes were opening to him. Kurt was afraid he would see disgust or contempt, but instead his eyes merely crinkled with a smile before ducking down shyly. Kurt looked down at his own hands that were now clutching his knees, before a huffed laugh brought his attention back to Blaine. His cheeks were rosier than before, something he didn't think they could blame on the chill, and he was rubbing the back of his neck his head still slightly ducked with embarrassment. "Wow," Blaine said before cutting himself off with another huffed laugh.

 

"Was that..." Kurt began, hoping that he hadn't misstepped by giving in to impulse for once.

 

Blaine's eyes widened slightly and his grin grew. "You don't know how long I have wanted to do that," he told Kurt with a laugh.

 

"Just so you know," Kurt began looking away from Blaine's brilliant smile," you can do that anytime you want." He looked back in time to see Blaine leaning in to capture his lips once more.

 

Later, the sun higher in the sky and their lips kiss swollen, they made their way back to Kurt's house, hands entwined between them. A gust of wind blew harshly against them, and instinctively, Kurt's wings spread out behind him and his feathers rustled in the wind. Kurt stopped, closed his eyes and lifted his wings higher. The more time he spent outside the more he grew to love the feel of the wind rushing through his feathers. It wasn't often that the wind blew with such force and he wanted to enjoy it while he could. He opened his eyes when Blaine's hand slipped from his grasp. Blaine was standing in front of him his mouth agape as he stared at Kurt wide eyed. Kurt began to draw his wings down and around himself, wanting to protect himself from whatever Blaine could be thinking.

 

"Don't," Blaine whispered, and Kurt held his wings out once more. "I wish you could see yourself Kurt, see yourself the way I can. You are breathtaking." Kurt started to interrupt, but Blaine closed the space between them, stealing his words away from him. "I have always thought you were gorgeous Kurt, it took everything in me not to blurt how handsome you were each time we would Skype. But Kurt, if you could have seen yourself just now, it wasn't just your wings how strong they are, and how the light seems to dance across each feather. It was the... utter joy on your face. I... I have never seen anything like it, anyone so beautiful. The way you were smiling, it takes my breathe away."

 

Kurt stood there frozen but for his eyes that darted between Blaine's searching for any shred of deceit or doubt but finding none, and his heart which felt like it was pounding somewhere in his throat stopping any words from forming. He could hardly believe Blaine was real. It seemed like too much, that he could have found him and that Blaine could accept him so easily when no one else ever had. He could hardly believe that Blaine not only liked him, but looked at him with his eyes open and wide saying things like handsome and gorgeous and breathtaking while talking about him. Tears stung at his eyes unbidden as he just looked at Blaine, who didn't recoil from the attention or shy away but held Kurt's gaze in his. Kurt lowered his wings slowly, the breeze gone now. He blinked a few more times before clearing his throat trying to dislodge his heart. "I... Thank you." He said, feeling dumb and like his words were too little for all that Blaine had given him in that moment.

 

Blaine's smile was magnificent when he answered. "I only speak the truth."

 

"So you are like the magic sitar then?" Kurt asked breathless. As easy as that they fell into familiar banter, their hands finding each other as the moved to continue their walk back to the house. They had just decided that they should watch Moulin Rouge after lunch when they walked inside.

 

Kurt had been so lost in Blaine’s presence that he had nearly forgotten that his family was home and that his father had been trying to get them to talk all morning. However, as they pushed through the back door into the kitchen, there his dad stood ladling out tomato soup into five bowls while sandwiches grilled on the stove. "Great timing. I was just about to call you boys inside, lunch is almost ready. Kurt why don't you show Blaine where he can wash up and get Carole and Finn for me." Burt said with a smile, but his eyes strayed down to their laced fingers more than once.

 

Lunch was an awkward affair, but not for the reason Kurt had feared. It wasn't stilled conversation trying to cover tense silence, instead Burt asked question after question of Blaine. They were all said with friendly curiosity, and Blaine answered readily and fully, never seeming to be bothered by the attention. Every once in a while, Finn or Carole would ask their own question, but for the most part, Mr. Hummel monopolized the conversation. Kurt tried to shoot his father warning glares, but either Burt was purposefully ignoring them, or he truly never saw them being so wrapped up in the moment. Five minutes after both their plates were emptied;, Kurt finally decided to put a stop to it once and for all.

 

"Thanks for lunch dad, but Blaine and I are going up to my room to watch a movie before he has to go back to Dalton."

 

"Right, right. So is there a time you have to leave by, Blaine?" Burt said, eyes focused once again on Blaine.

 

"I should probably leave by five. Curfew Sunday nights is eight, so if I don't want to make the drive in the morning I should leave by then just to be safe." Blaine told him standing up to join Kurt.

 

Kurt half expected his dad to say something about doors staying open, or perhaps even about using protection like he had with Brittany so long ago, but all he did was nod before taking another bite of his now cold soup.

 

When it was time for Blaine to leave, Kurt walked him out to his car where it sat parked in front of their garage. Kurt's family had offered their own goodbyes on the way out the door, and soon they were alone again. Blaine leaned against his car door and reached for Kurt's hand. Kurt gave it readily and they stood for a moment both eyeing their joined hands.

 

"So... We'll still call and text and Skype, right?" Blaine asked finally looking up at Kurt through his thick eyelashes.

 

Kurt didn't like to see the uncertainty that crossed Blaine's face. He stepped closer and whispered, "Of course, I missed talking to you this week..."

 

"Me too, I honestly wasn't sure what to do with myself." Blaine laughed, the sound low and rolling in the quiet air between them. "This was really the best day, thank you."

 

Kurt's heart leapt. "Really?" he asked hardly able to believe Blaine's word. He knew his uncertainty was clear in his voice, but he didn't feel the need to hide his insecurity from Blaine of all people.

 

"Really," Blaine told him inching closer so their foreheads touched. "I want to be clear here Kurt. I like you and just getting to spend time with you is great, no matter what we are doing. I know we can't go out on what most people would consider proper dates; but I don't care about that, not if it means spending time with you. I don't ever want you to doubt this, doubt us. If we never get to go out to dinner or the movies or a play together, that is okay with me. I will be here to do whatever you feel comfortable with. Okay?"

 

Kurt closed his eyes drinking in the closeness and Blaine's words. He let out the breath he had been holding in a faint "okay" before capturing Blaine's lips in his. They kissed there by Blaine's car until Blaine's phone alarm broke the content moment between them. Blaine chuckled and he silenced the incessant beeping, "It's 5:30, I really have to go now. I'll text you when I get there."

 

"Alright, when..." Kurt started to ask before cutting himself off. He didn't want to appear needy or greedy, but he really wanted to know when he could see Blaine again.

 

Blaine' soft smile was enough to erase any unease Kurt felt. "Can I come over again next weekend?"

 

"You can come over anytime you want," Kurt told him with a smile, before giving him the code for the gate. He knew his dad might not be pleased, no one but family had the code after all, but he needed Blaine to know he was always welcome. After a few more quick kisses and more assurances to talk later, Blaine was driving down the long twisted driveway and out of sight. Kurt lingered there a few more minutes before slowly returning to his house. He thought about all that had happened that day; the kisses, laying on their stomachs together on Kurt's bed watching Moulin Rouge, the way Kurt's feathers brushed against the back of Blaine's calves, and how Blaine hadn't shied away from the foreign touch.

 

Kurt was still lost in thought when he pushed open the door, only to find his dad leaning against the wall in the entryway waiting for him. Kurt stalled in his steps, sure that he could not evade his father's words any longer. He hoped that whatever his dad had to say this time would steal none of the wonderful feelings swirling inside of him. He took one deep breath, noticing the way his father stiffened at the movement, perhaps he was just as worried about this confrontation as Kurt, and said, "what is it dad?"

 

Burt looked deep into Kurt's eye a serious expression painting his face and said, "You were right, I wasn't being fair yesterday. It's just that, I have spent so long trying to protect you; when you first got your wings you were so scared and we did so much just to keep you safe, to make you feel like you were safe. I guess... I guess I didn't realize that you didn't need me to be that anymore. It was different when you were talking about this boy who... it's not that I didn't believe you, but he still didn't seem real. He was just this idea. But then he was here and he... he was touching them, touching you... and I guess I forgot that you can take care of yourself and let the papa bear come out in me. So you were right, I'm sorry."

 

Kurt couldn't let himself hope not yet, not for what he truly sought since Blaine left the night before. "And now?" he asked, his voice betraying the hope he couldn't let himself feel.

 

Burt pushed off from the wall a frown distorting his features for a moment before he spoke. "I like him. I mean he seems like a nice guy and was ready to answer all my questions, so I guess he doesn't have anything to hide."

 

"Dad..." Kurt warned.

 

"I know Kurt but you gotta understand, no matter how old you are you are still going to be my little boy. I am always going to want the best for you... even if that means admitting that you were right about him. I don't have to like it." Burt said with a laugh.

 

"Thanks dad." Kurt said pulling his father into a hug.

 

"For what kiddo, admitting you were right?" He said patting Kurt firmly on his back, not flinching when the back of his hand brushed the underside of Kurt's wing.

 

"No, for giving him a chance." Kurt told him honestly. "And for everything. I just want you to know... I'm not a scared anymore. I'm not saying that I am ready to run through the streets of town or anything. But the idea of leaving the house someday... it's not so scary anymore."

 

"What are you saying?" Burt asked his face serious once again.

 

Kurt sighed, bracing himself for his next words. He needed to admit this to himself as much as to his dad. "I'm saying that maybe one day I won't want to hide anymore."

 

"You know I was never trying to hide you right, I wasn't ashamed or anything, don't you?"

 

The worry in his father's voice rushed the words out of Kurt, "No, I know. This was what I wanted. And I don't know if I will ever be ready to leave this house, but I just wanted it out there, so you know."

 

"Okay kiddo, just as long as we are clear, I support you, whatever you decide."

 

Once again, Kurt's routine changed. Kurt and Blaine still texted each other throughout the day with calls squeezed in when time allowed. It was only when Blaine would be alone in his room that they would Skype; Kurt abandoning the curtains, no longer needing to hide from Blaine. They talked freely about everything, Kurt's wings included. He began to open up more about how they had changed everything, his thoughts and feelings when he first learned of his fate, and how they had changed in the last few months.

 

"I just felt so alone," Kurt said one day as they talked separated by so much distance but brought closer through their computer screens. "I mean no one else can really understand, not exactly. Don't get me wrong, I love that you try, that my family and friends do too in their own ways... but no one else has really been there you know. I think that was the hardest part. I understand now, that even if no one knows what it is like to have wings, people still know what it is like to be different, that they can still understand what I am going through. But before all I could think of was how alone I was and would always be, because there was no one else like me."

 

"Do you think it would have been different if there were others," Blaine asked so open, always so supportive and trying so hard to understand Kurt like no one else had.

 

"Yeah, I mean, just knowing someone else out there had been through the same thing. It would have been nice."

 

Blaine tilted his head slightly his brow furrowed. It was a look Kurt loved to see; he knew it meant Blaine was really thinking about what he was about to say, and usually was followed by something so insightful Kurt could hardly believe it was true. He was surprised though because instead of seeming to understand something better than Kurt could imagine, Blaine asked a question. "So what would you do, if someone else developed wings?"

 

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked.

 

Blaine shrugged his shoulders, "I mean, I know that as far as we know no one else has ever gotten wings before, but I was reading a study that said that maybe this is a long dormant gene that is just now waking up. There have been stories for as long as we have recorded history of winged people. We have always passed them off as myths or legends, but who knows."

 

"You've been reading up on this?" Kurt asked awed that Blaine would actually search out more information, something Kurt had always been scared to do aside from what his doctors had told him.

 

Blaine rubbed the back of his neck, a clear sign he was embarrassed or worried about what Kurt would think. He was ready to assure Blaine when he spoke up. "I just wanted to know as much as I could. I wanted to understand."

 

"I think it's wonderful. Did you find anything out I should know?" Kurt asked.

 

"There are a bunch of theories, but like you told me no one knows for sure why you have your wings. One thing they all agree on, is that it is likely you are only the first, they think more will follow. Then we might know more about why your wings developed." Blaine said, obviously eager to share now that he knew Kurt wouldn't be mad.

 

"They really think there will be others?" Kurt asked more surprised than anything at that point.

 

Blaine shrugged again, "Most do, though none agree on the whys or hows of it. So, what would you do if someone else got wings?"

 

Kurt sat and thought about it for a moment. It was something he had never considered. Would it be better if he was the first and not the only? Would that really change anything. ? "I don't know," he finally answered, "I mean I guess I would want to make sure that they were not alone, that they knew I was here and it would be okay."

 

"And is it...okay?" Blaine asked.

 

Kurt was startled by the question. For the weeks they had been talking so openly about everything now, he hadn't thought about it in those terms. He had talked about how it was better, but not if he was truly alright with his wings now. In truth, Kurt was starting to think less of them. They no longer were this barrier that kept him from the things he truly wanted anymore. He was sewing again, transforming outfits to fit with his wings. There would always be styles he couldn't pull off and they always had to latch a certain way to fit his wings, but he was designing again. He'd even come to appreciate the way things felt against them, the wind, the water from the shower head or a rain shower, the way Blaine's fingers and palms felt against them. Kurt had even begun to experiment with the way they moved; he'd begun to wonder if he could ever fly. It hit him like a ton of bricks; it really was okay, more than that even, he'd begun to embrace his wings as a part of himself, no longer thinking of them in terms of something other. He blinked back at Blaine through his screen, wanting nothing more than to be able to hold him and kiss him in this moment of revelation. "It really, really is."

 

Weekends were a completely different after that first one spent together. Blaine made it out to Lima every Friday just in in time for Friday night dinners. He would have to leave soon after to head home to see his parents, but having that time to see each other, even if it was in the presence of Kurt's entire family, felt important. The two hour drive meant that there were no impromptu dates in the middle of the week, so both thrived on the routine. Blaine's parents had been wary at first that their youngest son was spending what little time he was home at a boyfriend’s house whom they had never met. With Kurt's permission, Blaine had told them about the anxiety, needing a plausible reason for his inability to introduce them. Neither felt bad because it wasn't a lie, Kurt still battled daily the feelings his medication muted; he still had days where the thought of venturing out if the house even to walk amongst the trees was too much. Mr. and Mrs. Anderson had held pinched faces of concern that Blaine had been wary to tell Kurt about, but didn't object anymore when he would spend the majority of his weekend at the. Hummel house. Blaine didn't miss the oddly stoic looks that would pass over their faces though at the mention of Kurt but kept that knowledge to himself. He knew some people would never understand the struggle of others; he already knew his parents didn't understand his own.

 

Time passed but Kurt didn't feel the weight of time like he used to. He had things to look forward to once again, Blaine not being the only thing, even if he was the best. Summer was fast approaching, and while he looked forward to having more alone time with Blaine without his family being so close, a wave of depression hit him when he realized that Finn and most of his friends would be graduating in just a couple of weeks without him. For the first time in a long time, Kurt remembered what his wings had taken away. For a day he lay in bed, not moving, not working, and ignoring Blaine's increasingly worried texts. He resisted the urge to tear at his feathers, wanting the pain so that he could feel something but the bone deep loss that was engulfing him. He heard his family as they each arrived, ignoring them as well. His wings were wrapped around him as he lay on his bed, ; he didn't miss the irony that the things that had taken so much from him were also offering him comfort.

 

Kurt barely lifted his head when he heard his door creak open. The voice that softly called his name though made him lift his head in confusion. There standing in his doorway was Blaine looking worried as his eyes took in Kurt's state. It took Kurt a moment to realize what Blaine was seeing; not only was Kurt curled on his bed, eyes red rimmed and hair disheveled, but he was shirtless only wearing a thin pair of pajama pants. Kurt couldn't find it in himself to blush.

 

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked moving slowly towards Kurt.

 

"No.." Kurt mumbled.

 

"Can I help?" Blaine asked.

 

And like a floodgate opening, Kurt babbled to Blaine all that he had been feeling. Somewhere throughout the exchange, Blaine had sat on the bed and Kurt began to use his lap as a pillow. Blaine began scratching his blunt nails gently against Kurt's spine. When Kurt's words died out, it hit him what Blaine was doing and the clench around his heart eased a bit.

 

"It's a year Kurt;, that is all you have lost really, one year. Who knows where you will be next year. And in the mean time, you still have me. And aren't Artie, Tina and Sam juniors? Plus your dad and Carole aren't going anywhere. Besides, they aren't leaving you behind, not really, you can still call and text them, it won't be that different."

 

"But what about next year? What are you going to do then? I don't think I'll even be able to leave then, and I'm sure you won't want to stay in Lima forever." Kurt asked quietly.

 

"I don't know." Blaine whispered, "but we have a whole year to figure that out. Don't push me away because of what might or might not happen next year."

 

"I wasn't," Kurt said, arching his back at the feel of Blaine's fingers still scratching up and down his spine and between the junctures of his wings. "I just couldn't... It wasn't you, I just couldn't do anything. I'm sorry if you thought..."

 

"Hey, I'm not mad, I was just worried."

 

Blaine sat with Kurt as long as he could, until he knew if he didn't leave he would miss curfew. They didn't talk much more, but knowing Blaine was there eased the ache a bit more.

 

The next day, Kurt did something he had never done before. He not only forced himself out of bed but down the stairs and out his front door. He needed to try something, needed to see if maybe the wings could give him something instead of just taking away. He stood in the warm morning breeze and began to beat his wings. Nothing happened for a moment, only Kurt standing in his yard feeling silly and naive. Then he saw a small sparrow take off from near by, he watched its movements and decided to match them. He flapped his wings again lifting himself up on his toes and rose in the air. It was sloppy and he didn't go far, but he did it. He flew.

 

Kurt had something to focus on again and he forced himself to practice, to fight from giving in to his depression. He didn't tell anyone though, needing to keep something for himself, but also not wanting to let anyone down if he failed. No one had to know but him. He would text Blaine he was sewing or about to take a test and then go out into his yard and try again and again. When he finally showed them, he wanted to be perfect, he wanted to make them proud.

 

Finn's graduation passed, and still Kurt did not tell anyone of his new skill. He hadn't wanted to take anything away from Finn. He knew though that he would not be able to practice anymore without someone noticing not with school ending. The Sunday after Finn's graduation, as they finished up lunch, Kurt cleared his throat, gaining the tables attention. "When we're finished, can we go outside, I have something to show you?" Kurt asked, earning a concern look from his father, but curious looks from everyone else. The dishes lay abandoned on the table in everyone's haste to see what Kurt was talking about. For his part, Kurt was torn; part of him wanted to rush so that he could show everyone what he could do, but the other part was afraid it had been some fluke and he would fall flat on his face. He knew however that that would not happen, he had been successful for weeks on end, and had only gotten better.

 

He stood before his family and Blaine, his hands clasped in front of him. Their expectant faces made his stomach roll, but he pushed on. "So I... um I was having a hard time a few weeks ago... with Finn graduating and everyone else. It was hard not just blaming everything on the wings... no, on myself. My wings, they are a part of me, and I need to stop thinking that they aren't, they aren't some other... they are just as much a part of my as my arm or leg..." He looked to see concerned, worried faces staring back. He needed to get back on track. "Anyway, it got me thinking, I wanted my wings to bring something to my life... so I tried... and it worked, it helped. Just..… just watch." When he finished the took a step back and closed his eyes to push the rest of his nerves away.

 

He opened his eyes and looked up just as he spread his wings wide. In a breath he took flight. He didn't fly high, he couldn't not without fear of being spied over the tree troops surrounding their home, but he swooped in the air above their heads. He couldn't look at them, he was afraid if he saw anything but joy on their faces he would falter and fall. When he landed a minute later, he did so with his back to the group, so he was surprised when sounds of excitement filled the air and hands sought his back and shoulders, clutching and patting him in equal measures. When he turned the first thing he saw was Blaine's face, tears sparkling in his eyes moments before he was pulled into a hug a whispered, "I am so proud of you" in his ear.

 

"Wow that was something." His dad said beaming once Blaine let him go. It was a simple statement, but Kurt knew that his father was proud.

 

They all asked questions and spent an hour outside together talking about the new feat. Blaine was quiet for the most part;, his eyes sparkled with mirth, so Kurt was not worried When the rest of Kurt's family had returned inside, Kurt turned once more to Blaine. He smiled shyly.

 

"I hope you're not mad I didn't tell you," Kurt told him.

 

Blaine beamed back, "Of course not, it was a wonderful surprise. You.. you amaze me Kurt."

 

"I love you," Kurt sighed back, only to realize what he said as soon as the words left his mouth. He couldn't take them back though, because it was true. He never thought he would find love, at least not until he left Ohio. That sliver of hope was taken away so long ago in a hospital room when his world changed in the blink of an eye. He thought he would never have this, and then there was Blaine. He didn't not stammer out an apology. He didn't worry if Blaine wouldn’t say it back, his feelings were his own and it didn’t matter if Blaine was there yet or not, his feelings wouldn’t change. He stood there and smiled at Blaine, hoping he would see that what he said was true.

 

Blaine’s face softened, the excitement calmer but not dimmed. “I love you too, Kurt. Oh my god, but I love you so much.” The kiss they shared was gentle but laced with a passion that hadn’t been there before.

 

It was early morning, the house quiet. Finn was asleep and Kurt was just trudging down the stairs, still in his pajama pants, to make breakfast for himself. His dad and stepmom had left hours ago to head to work, so nothing seemed to move in the house. Kurt was still groggy, having spent most of the night night before on the phone with Blaine. When Kurt thought about it, he was still amazed that after spending most days the past few weeks of summer vacation together, they could still talk until the wee hours of the morning without falter. He was just popping a bagel into the toaster when the front door slammed open breaking the gentle silence around it. Kurt jumped and turned just in time to see Blaine skidding into the kitchen, disheveled and out of breath.

 

"Blaine, what the..." Kurt began clutching his heart. He hadn't expected to see Blaine so early;, he usually didn't come until around ten once they both had a chance to fully wake up.

 

"Did you see?" Blaine asked, his words cut short by his panting breath.

 

"What are you talking about?" Kurt asked taking in Blaine's appearance fully for the first time since he burst into the room. His hair was a halo of loose, messy curls around his head. A wrinkled grey shirt and flannel sleep pants covered his body while his feet were stuck in a pair of ratty old flip flops. Kurt had never seen him so rumpled; he looked as if he had just rolled out of bed. It was his face though that sent a shock of panic through him; his eyes were wide, darting around the room as if he couldn't calm himself to let them rest on one place for more than a moment, his brow was furrowed and lines etched his face, and he seemed to be shaking. Kurt took a step forward and lifted a hand to him in offer, it was taken up immediately. "Please Blaine, you're scaring me, please talk to me."

 

Blaine seemed to shake himself out of wherever his mind was stuck. "The news, have you watched the news this morning?" He asked squeezing Kurt's hand tight.

 

"No, I just got up. What's happened?"

 

Blaine grabbed Kurt's other hand, and more panic shot through him, what could have happened to put Blaine in this state? "My parents woke me up early to have breakfast together. And the news was playing in the kitchen. I just, I ran out, I had to tell you..."

 

"Tell me what Blaine?" Kurt practically yelled, overcome by nerves and fear.

 

"A girl in England, she has wings." Blaine whispered.

 

His breakfast abandoned they rushed to the living room to switch on the news. For hours the newscasters kept repeating the same information over and over, the same facts and theories. Still the boys watched and talked. By the time Finn clambered down the stairs though the television was black and Kurt was pacing the room while Blaine watched nervously toying with his fingers. Catching sight of them, Finn quickly excused himself and left the house with little explanation.

 

Kurt was lost in his own mind again; they had discussed the facts but little more. He wasn't sure what to think about this new revelation.. He wasn't alone anymore, there was someone else going through what he had. That didn't guarantee acceptance though, that didn't mean they wouldn't still be ridiculed for what they were.

 

"What are you thinking Kurt?" Blaine asked breaking him from his thoughts.

 

"What does this mean?" Kurt asked in return.

 

Blaine stood and pulled Kurt to sit next to him on the couch. "Well we know now that gender doesn't play a role in their formation. Age may be a factor since she was 16 as well, but nothing can be proven yet. They said she identifies as straight so sexuality may not be a factor, but that may not be one hundred percent accurate. But Kurt, what we do know. One thing they made perfectly clear; she had no previous trauma to her back or spine, no undue stress either. You know what that means right?"

 

Kurt shook his head although he had thought the same thing; he needed Blaine to say it, he needed to hear Blaine say the words that he had longed to hear for so long.

 

"It means that the bullying, it has nothing to do with your wings. They would have come anyway. It was not a mutation brought on by stress or trauma; they have nothing to do with being bullied." Blaine's soft fingers swiped away the tears Kurt didn't know he had let fall.

 

A wave of relief washed over him and his heart felt freer than it had in almost two years. Like the dam had been broken, tears flowed freely down Kurt's face. He sobbed for all he had lost in this unfounded fear. He cried for the lonely boy he was before the wings came and for the man he was now. He cried because for the first time he could like his wings without feeling like he was finding an ugly scar beautiful. Then he cried for the girl who was probably scared and lonely like he was not too long ago. With a shuddered breath he calmed himself and said, "We need to call my dad."

 

After a quick, and surprisingly calm call to his father, Kurt finally calmed settled down enough to keep himself from fidgeting and pacing, and looked over at his boyfriend once more. He couldn't hold in the giggle that bubbled up deep within him.

 

"What?" Blaine asked a smile leaping to his face.

 

"Look at you," Kurt laughed his face a picture of mirth. "I think this is the first time I've see you without all that gel in your hair."

 

Blaine's hands immediately flew to his head as if by covering it up now would erase its memory from Kurt's mind. "Oh my god, I just ran out of my house. I wasn't even thinking. My parents must think I've gone crazy and my god what you must think of me..."

 

"I think you are amazing, bushy hair and all." Kurt said leaning in for a kiss.

 

Blaine barely got a "hey" out before their lips connected.

 

When he pulled back Kurt just smiled at Blaine's dumbfounded face, "If you can get used to my wings and everything that has come with them, then I think I can get used to those beautiful curls."

 

"Well not everything that came with the wings is so bad," Blaine smirked running a hand over Kurt's still bare chest.

 

Kurt blushed, "I think we should probably put some real clothes on before my dad gets here, which should be any minute."

 

Real clothes for Blaine consisted of a pair of Kurt's shorts and one of the few t-shirts he still hadn't altered for himself. They had barely returned downstairs before Burt was walking in the door clearly anxious about what Kurt wanted to talk to him about.

 

"I can't believe the one morning I don't listen to the radio is the day this happens," he murmurs as he motions for the boys to sit. "So tell me what you're thinking, Kurt, because I sure as hell can't guess with you anymore."

 

Kurt took a deep breath before speaking, trying to steal all his nerves. Beside him Blaine looked just as anxious as his father. They hadn't discussed this. He hadn't wanted to disappoint Blaine if he couldn't go through with it. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, but he had to, he couldn't let her think she was alone. Kurt Hummel held his head high and said, "I think it's time I came out. I can't let her feel as alone as I did. I can't hide anymore."

 

Burt was wary at first, afraid that it would be too much for his son to handle, but Kurt would not relent. They started out small, but it almost felt as huge to Kurt and Blaine as facing the whole world. Burt insisted that first they tell Blaine's parents. Burt had already made arrangements through Kurt's doctors for them to meet with the press the next morning, but first he had to survive a dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Anderson.

 

Blaine didn't leave Kurt's side as they prepared dinner and got ready for his parents to arrive. Kurt often found himself reaching for Blaine’s hand needing the support at odd times when the realization hit him with what he was about to do. During those times he thought maybe his dad had a point. Then again, these were the people who loved Blaine, even if they didn't always express it in the best ways, their approval meant more than the rest of the world.

 

Kurt was pacing around his room when he heard the doorbell ring. His heart and feet stopped at the sound. Blaine was by his side in an instant. "It will be okay, I promise. No matter what happens tonight, I love you and nothing will change that."

 

They walked downstairs to hear Burt and Carole greeting Claude and Marion Anderson. "So where are the boys?" Marion's voice drifted through the doorway.

 

Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand before entering the room with an air of confidence that belied the nervous flip of his stomach. "Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, what a pleasure to finally meet you, I'm Kurt."

 

All the adults froze as Kurt offered his hand to Blaine's parents. Mrs. Anderson's hand flew to her heart and it seemed all Mr. Anderson could do was blink. "You have wings," Marion finally said her face still dumbfounded.

 

That did it, a hearty laugh broke out of Kurt unbidden. A shocked snort from Burt came as a reply and soon the whole room was a symphony of giggles, laughs and guffaws. As the laughter ebbed Kurt said, "Yes ma'am, I do. I think now you may understand why we haven't met earlier."

 

In that moment, Kurt knew that everything would be okay. They may not always be great, he may still have hateful words thrown out of him, but sometimes it will be easier than he expected.

 

They left the house early the next morning under the cover of darkness. His doctors had arranged a news conference from a conference room in Lima General Hospital. It wouldn't begin for hours, but Kurt couldn't bring himself to travel where others might see him yet. He wanted the news to come from him, not some random passerby who happened to snap a picture. Blaine was still home in bed, neither set of parent agreeing to their pleas to let him spend the night, no matter how innocent a request it really was. He yearned for Blaine's comforting touch but as he sat cramped in the back seat of his Navigator, he was glad for a little extra space. He mused that maybe if more people grew wings, maybe someone would make a car built to accommodate them comfortably.

 

Security was tight, only hospital personnel allowed in the holding area behind the conference room. Kurt paced as he tried to ignore the stares of the security guards and doctors that milled around the area. Too many times had one doctor or another offered to examine him, all of which Kurt refused. It seemed like hours before Dr. Fitzhammond was patting him gently on the shoulder telling him that it was time. He would be introducing Kurt and the rest was up to him.

 

Kurt stood just inside the holding area and listened to Dr. Fitzhammond speak, "Thank you all for coming today. I am Dr. Fitzhammond, head of general medicine here at Lima General Hospital. I know that our invitation to you was vague but that was by the request of our patient, Mr. Kurt Hummel, I will allow him to explain. Ladies and Gentlemen, Kurt Hummel."

 

Kurt shook as he entered the room, the gasps and camera flashes doing nothing to ease him. Then his eyes caught on a familiar pair of hazel eyes across the room and he found a new resolve.

 

He caught Blaine mouthing ‘courage’ as he held one hand up to his heart. Kurt took a deep breath and straightened his spine bringing him up to his full height as his wings stood proudly on his back once more.  
"Hi, I'm Kurt Hummel! , but many of you may know me as the angel." He said taking a spot behind the podium weighed down with microphones. "In light of recent events, I have decided to come forward and reveal myself to you all, to the world. This isn't an easy decision because I have seen the things said about me by a few, but I couldn't hide myself away knowing there was another out there. To you I say, please remember that we are still human, ; though you have dubbed us angels, we have feelings and what you say does matter. Words have so much power and sometimes we forget that so please use your words wisely when speaking of others. To my fellow angel... um... I know I don't like the term much either, but just know you are not alone. An ocean may separate us, but no one can understand what you are going through like me. If you need anything, to talk, if you have questions, even if you need help finding clothes to wear; I am here, my doctors know how to contact me and I have asked that they pass along any messages from you immediately. It may seem like your world is crumbling, but I promise it does get better..." Kurt turned to go, questions being shouted at him from all sides. He turned back to the podium and held his hand up once more. When the room was merely buzzing, he spoke again. "I know you have a lot of questions, and I'm sure Dr., Fitzhammond can answer those for you. But before I go I ask of you, please respect my privacy. It is not easy waking up one day to discover that you have wings. It is even harder to stand in front of a room of people and let them actually see you for the first time since you have had them. I just want to live my life again. So please... Just let me have that."

 

Kurt walked away from the podium, trying to ignore the cacophony of questions that filled the room. His eyes were only focused on the door, behind which lay a sort of safe haven for him. He knew there he would still endure stares but the quiet judgment that lay there was a respite from the hoard of curious eyes in the conference room. As soon as he stumbled into the room his dad was there a firm hand on his now trembling shoulder. He couldn't hear his father's comforting words though of the buzz in his head. His breath came in quick pants and the shaking in his limbs was getting worse. He could feel the prickle of panic biting at his skin and stinging his eyes as tears formed. He had held it together in front of the crowd but now that it was gone done he felt like he was crumbling.

 

As he blinked trying to clear his head from the swoop and swirls, hazel eyes and a concerned yet proud face filled his vision. Seeing Blaine standing there in front of him he sprung forward taking him in his arms. The feel of the now familiar body against his helped to ground him. He could still feel his dad's firm hand on his back calming him further. As he came back from the panic murmured voices filled his ears. He didn't want prying eyes, not now. He pulled his wings forward creating almost a cocoon to shield Blaine and him from their view. It felt safe having the two of them wrapped up together. Blaine's arms held him tight and he whispered in Kurt's ear, "I am so proud of you. What you said... It was perfect."

 

They stayed there blocked off from the rest of the room, save for Burt's commanding presence behind them, whispering a quiet conversation together, until Kurt felt he could finally breathe again. Before opening his wings though, Kurt indulged in their moment of privacy and kissed Blaine sweetly on the mouth.

 

By the time they emerge Dr. Fitzhammond had returned to the room himself. He eyed Kurt closely, "Are you doing okay? Do you need anything to help you calm down?"

 

Kurt held his head high, he was proud he could speak the truth, "I'm fine now. I was well on my way to a full blown panic attack, but I’m okay now."

 

"Are you sure? I know that was quite a stressful situation out there." When Kurt nodded the doctor continued, "You did exceptionally well Kurt. From everything your father has told me you have come a long way. I’m glad we could help you."

 

Kurt looked back at his dad finally and could see his pride shining through.

 

Leaving the hospital was difficult, photographers, and reporters surrounded the back entrance where their car sat idling for them. Kurt scrambled into the back seat as quickly as his wings would allow, as Blaine and his father hurried to the front. It was worse when they approached the gate to his house. News truck lined the street like gawkers at a parade and camera crews and reporters swarmed the area in front of their gate waiting for a glimpse of Kurt Hummel, the angel. Burt cursed as he inched the car forward hoping the reporters would move out of their way. Apparently Carole had already called the police because not long after they arrived ushering the mob to the other side of the street. It was all they could do.

 

It took a week for the circus to die down, even after Burt went and gave yet another official statement to the press. Kurt felt trapped in his house once more knowing that prying eyes lay just beyond the walls just waiting for an opportunity to catch a photo or a video of him. He felt like an animal on display at the zoo. When Blaine would come, having refused to stay away, questions were slung at him like knives. It didn’t take much for the press to make assumptions about their relationship. Blaine just told him that it didn’t matter, they were right and he would gladly shout from the roof tops that he loved Kurt. His declaration warmed Kurt’s heart and made him so proud to be with Blaine.

 

Even with the upheaval to their lives, Kurt found it worth it when he received the first email from Aleisha saying how much he had helped. Talking to her and sharing his experience made Kurt think. It was easier to talk to someone who was going through the same thing; and while he knew he was helping her come to terms with her own fate, she helped him in return to look at his life in a new perspective. Their conversations got him to thinking about his life and what it meant now that everyone knew who he was.

 

It was easy to keep his mind from these musings when Blaine was around. They still spent most of their time together knowing that the summer would soon be over and other responsibilities would demand Blaine's attention once school started again. When Blaine was forced home though, Kurt's mind was free to wander to what ifs and vague dreams. It all became too much to keep to himself though when the last two weeks before Blaine was to return to school, Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, insisted they go on a family vacation.

 

Alone that first day, Finn off with Carole getting last minute supplies for his dorm room, Kurt allowed his thoughts to take over. His father found him that evening sitting alone in the living room waiting for him. Kurt looked up at Burt, his face a mask of determination as soon as he walked in the room.

 

"I know that face bud, what have you decided to do that you are just now letting me in on?" he asked sitting down beside his son.

 

"There is something I need to do," Kurt said, sure at that moment that he was right.

 

Keeping everything from Blaine was easy, considering all they had was text, and that sparingly, his family adamant about little distraction during their family time. Kurt didn't want to get both of their hopes up if things didn't work out. Arranging a meeting with the Dalton headmaster was even easier once Burt explained to him the special circumstances, he agreed to come to their house with any information they could need.

 

As they sat in the Hummel living room discussing arrangements, things seemed to fall into place. The headmaster was determined to get Kurt at his school. At first this made Kurt wary, feeling he must have ulterior motives. Mr. Terrell though made it clear that he wanted to uphold Dalton's reputation as being a safe haven for all. He was adamant they would not advertise Kurt's attendance there, even going so far as to protect his privacy by implementing a zero tolerance policy for students leaking his presence to the press. The headmaster even went as far as to offer Kurt a scholarship to Kurt. It was a strange new feeling this open acceptance.

 

Kurt moved in the day before the rest of the student body was set to. He spent his first night in his dorm, talking to a still oblivious Blaine on the phone. After everything had been arranged Kurt had decided that he wanted to surprise his boyfriend. He had planned on telling him that day, wrangling him into helping him move at the same time, but a delayed flight had thwarted that idea.

 

"I just hate that I won't be able to see you for another week," Blaine moaned into the phone for probably the tenth time.

 

Kurt held in a chuckle, "I know sweetie, your parents have the worst timing for a vacation ever. But we will see each other before you know it."

 

"Not soon enough," Blaine grumbled.

 

Kurt couldn't help but smile, "I love you."

 

The halls were a babble of activity outside his room. Nerves were taking over and Kurt fidgeted as he arranged the books on his shelf once again. Blaine hadn't texted yet that morning, but he said he would as soon as he was settled in. Kurt didn't want to venture out into the halls full of curious stares and his, most likely, loose lipped peers, until he knew where he could find Blaine.

 

A knock sounded at his door, startling him. Kurt wanted to ignore it, nerves hit in full force and all of a sudden the idea of returning to school seems seemed ludicrous. His words to his father about learning to adapt to life out in the world again, of wanting to go to college and make something of himself seemed lame and naive with the sudden sound at his door. Then he heard his visitor whistling a tune and it sounded so relaxed and friendly, Kurt decided to take a chance. If the person could look on him without looking at him like he was a freak, maybe it was a sign that this was in fact a good idea. He opened the door to a friendly faced, slightly chubby boy.

 

Kurt saw his eyes widen a fraction but his smile never faltered. "Hi, I'm Trent. I'm the Resident Ambassador for this floor, can I come in?"

 

Kurt waved him in before slowly shutting the door. It felt weird having someone else, a stranger in his room, though it in itself was unfamiliar. He realized that Trent was waiting for something, and then flushed at his own rudeness. "I'm Kurt Hummel, it is very nice to meet you." He meant the sentiment too; Trent hardly batted an eye at his wings, but kept a smile firmly in place.

 

"Mr. Terrell told me when we had a new student, I wanted to make sure I got to welcome you to Dalton. As you probably know only seniors live on this floor, and it is my responsibility to make sure that everything runs smoothly for us. So if you ever have any problems, from a broken toilet to someone bothering you, ; please let me know. I will make sure that the correct person is notified to fix the situation. Do you have any questions yet for me?"

 

Kurt only had one pressing question and decided to ask it, hoping Trent would have an answer. "Do you know Blaine Anderson?"

 

Trent seemed to beam, "Yeah, we are in the Warblers together, do you know him?" Then Trent's eyes widened, "Wait, you're Kurt? Are you Blaine's Kurt?"

 

Kurt's heart warmed to hear himself described that way, he liked the way Blaine's Kurt sounded, he could get used to that. "One and the same," he smiled back, feeling giddiness well up inside of him.

 

"Wow he never told me..." Trent began.

 

"About the wings?" Kurt asked feeling oddly free talking to Trent.

 

Trent just laughed, "Well those too, but I was going to say that you were coming here."

 

Kurt blushed and smiled at the way that Trent just seemed to ghost over the fact that he had wings. "Well, he doesn't actually know yet," Kurt told him. "I was wanting hoping to surprise him, but I'm not sure which room is his so..."

 

"Come on, I'll show you." Trent offered gesturing to the door.

 

Kurt stood in front of the plain white door hand poised to knock, Trent having already taken his leave. A few stray students passed by offering tentative smiles and a handful of stares. He took one more moment to breathe before knocking on the door. As soon as it opened, he took in Blaine's surprised face and said, "Hi, I'm new here," before being pulled in to a bone crushing hug.

 

Angels Among Us  
By Hugo Brighton.

 

Almost seven years ago the world was shocked when a small town American boy grew wings almost overnight. Since then, hundreds of these cases have been reported. We all know or at least know of one winged person. They span every ethnicity, socio-economic range, gender and sexuality. They have emerged in children as young as 9 or as old as 20. None of us will forget the first though, Kurt Hummel.

 

Although he is just one of many now, people still ask what has happened with that brave boy who first stood before us four years ago, reminding us that though winged, he is still human. No longer a small town boy, Hummel now lives in the heart of the Big Apple. He is studying Fashion Design at Parson's New School for Design. He first caught the schools eye with the clothes he designed and styled for other newly winged people. Although now readily available in any store, Mr. Hummel was the first to manufacture clothes meant to accommodate wings, setting up his own Etsy store, but also donating a few outfits to each when another winged person would emerge.

 

When asked about his life, Kurt is ready to say that he couldn't be happier, though he makes it clear that people always seem to have something to say. "I still receive messages damning me for who I am, be it gay or for having wings. The internet is rife with people ready to tear others down. It is hard to ignore sometimes, but you just have to remember they don't know you," he said.

 

Hummel is set to graduate in the spring and has already been approached by several renowned fashion houses. He is also engaged to his high school sweetheart, Mr. Blaine Anderson, but has said that the wedding will be a private affair.


End file.
